Miss Ashley Pants

Toxic confiscation: 12 year old poisons mom for taking iphone

Well, I’ve heard of trying to poison someone by giving them an apple… But trying to poison a parent for taking away your Apple? Apple iphone, that is? Jesus. We all knew smartphone and technology-in-general addiction was getting pretty bad. This shiz is just next level, though. When a mom did what moms do and opted to punish her daughter via text and app deprivation, the seed that sprang from her loins did.. Read More

5 reasons I condone the man bun

“I just wanna sneak up behind him with the scissors…” My best friend used to say this all the time when I was dating a long-locked dude with hair prettier than either’a ours. And, to be fair, the only reason I didn’t say “I’ll kill you if you do” was because I knew he’d reflexively murder anyone who dared approach him himself. Literally, I’d seen the guy pass-out drunk letting friends doodle mouth.. Read More

Where do we draw the line with censoring? Should there be a line?

Anyone else see this pic of the chick who sprang a leak? The big kerfuffle over this happened after some nice Indian lady uploaded it as part of a photo project, showing women in natural states. Instagram’s natural state was to say “Ewwww” and remove it. Chick uploaded it again, along with a long winded “if e’ryone else can post bishes in they drawz, then I’mma post ‘em filling them drawz with shed.. Read More

Arson asana: liar liar yoga pants on fire

I sympathize with this woman – really. The one who burnt the yoga studio down, that is. I mean, if I’m paying a full $15 for a drop in visit, your ass had better not only leave the doors unlocked for me – tardy or not – but you’d better have a red carpet rolled out for me too. Instead, if I’m one second late to those mofo’s, it’s like some dark Poe.. Read More

Would you forgive your rapist? How about after a shitty apology?

Ever had someone come atchya with an apology? Like, for something super big they did wrong to you? And it was like… half assed? That’s what happened to Hana Mitchels of VICE when her rapist – now in an AA program and seeking amends from her – gave her a call to apologize. But, the thing is, he didn’t yes-and himself with all the stuff a rape victim’d like (and needs) to hear… Read More

An Emma Watson cat-flash inspired panty line needs to happen.

Whenever I’ve been told before that I look like Sharon Stone, I think two things: 1.) 90’s version? Or now version? and 2.) Is my chick biscuit covered? Yes, it is nice, Sharon. But what’s not nice is when it throws an eye surprise party for everyone, like the infamous LiLo committing fanny arson while exiting a car and stepping straight onto the pages of the tabloids. I get it though; underoos are.. Read More

#30daysofnewthings: the heartest challenge yet?

“I’ve got something you can do for your 30 Days…” my physical therapist told me. Despite my 100% reverence for him, I admittedly wanted to eyeroll. Or smirk. Or both, I’m not sure which. We were both in one’a those “mid-week” kinda moods. But for him, I imagine, it was even more frustrating. After all, I hadn’t been in in two weeks, my spine and hips were all misaligned, and now I was.. Read More

Does your occipital lobe hold cosmic knowledge?

Pulp Fiction’s gansta wasn’t doing any kinda gansta-ass-shiz when he had his aha moment. In fact, it was sandwiched between two such events (dumping a body and sticking up stick up kids) during brunch. Much like most of the epiphanies in this movie which muse on about the philosophy of small-fortune milkshakes and what they call cheeseburgers in other parts of the world, it seemed to – yet again – be food that.. Read More

What we can learn from the Yellowstone wolf eco-effect

So, I just saw this amazing vid on the Yellowstone effect that happened when they added just one species to the mix. The idea was that all these animals were wandering around in this near-dystopian land. A buncha the bastards were eating up all the shrubbery, grazing the landscape away, and making the national park look like a flora infested outdoor crack house. Then, like some magical just-add-water answer, they added… wolves. And.. Read More

#30daysofnewthings: some’a this week’s adventures…

“Oh good, you’re just in time,” the crazed thirty year old in a turban said as she answered the door for her mother. To my credit, I’d had a long day and it wasn’t a turban – but a giant towel ‘do completing my freshly washed coif look on evenings such as these. And on this particular evening, I’d almost forgotten to complete my #30daysofnewthings task. So, naturally, I was about to drag.. Read More