Miss Ashley Pants

KFC’s made edible coffee cups. Because there’s nothing Americans won’t eat.

Jesus, KFC. I was kidding when I said that it’d be a great idea to make Heart Attack Grill a fast food chain. (Actually, I wasn’t – but I was hoping I’d get to be the one heading it and thus profiting from it; but that’s alright. Moving on.) On the heels of the blood clogging news that was Kentucky Fried’s double down dog, now comes a novelty coffee. One that just might.. Read More

This phone charging furniture is almost good enough for me.

Finally, a product worth purchasing – and from Ikea – no less. The impossible to assemble furniture maker announced recently it’d be constructing those awesome wireless-charging nightstands and lamps you see in the hotels… for your home. I can’t effectively share how much I love this idea, and no it’s not just cuzza the name of the product they’ll be incorporating (Qi – though I do like it, ‘cause isn’t that all phones.. Read More

Are coconut oil’s cure-claims at least quasi legit?

So, is or is not coconut oil legitimately as good as people are telling me it is? From cooking to mouth sloshing to lathering it into your locks, I feel like this stuff’s usefulness ubiquity has become the vegan’s version of the Windex wielding dad gag in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. Sure, it tastes great on toast, but if I was asked to compare it to any other similar sub (or butter.. Read More

Pedobear P4P’s with undercover cop’s elbow; goes to jail.

I can forgive those who fall for the “Your Dirty Mind” memes like this: To be fair, that armpit does, at first glance, look strikingly like my hairdresser did after cutting my Greek boyfriend’s hair off. It was very dirty. And hairy. Like him. And so were her upper limbs by the end. So an armpit’s forgivably mistake-able. But what about the long arm of the law? Or more like – the bent.. Read More

Curing the last of the winter blues…

So my mind’s moving a bit slowly today. A bit slowly and a bit like a Lana Del Ray song, all melodramatically languishing around in the calcified dome it calls home. Part of it’s ‘cause I’ve been a bit “under the weather” and part of it’s because everyone’s under the weather – or at least its tyrannical rule when it’s ice raining like this outside. I’m not a fan of winter cold –.. Read More

Did your name determine your life choices?

Quick! Say your name out loud. Now… what thoughts just came to mind for you? Disappointment that your mother couldn’t think outside the box of popular names for that year? Or smile inducing happiness that makes you think, “Yes. That’s my name. It’s beautiful in that it signifies all that I am. When I come to rule the world, I’ll mandate that my theocracy use it as their only mantra”? For me, personally,.. Read More

Ring my bell, go to hell, and ask satan for sarcasm courses while you’re there.

One of my more interesting unintentional content-inspirers posted something majestic today. It came from this Facebook group (which has probably been around for ages, but since I live under a rock is totally new to me) called “Christians Against Drugs”. The site actually touches on sex and everything else fun in addition to the mind-altering goodies. And it’s so deliciously dripping in satire, that I spent a good five minutes meandering down the.. Read More

Science tells us we’re crapping wrong.

You know, I critique my dog’s OCD shitting ritual all the time. But maybe I have no room to speak. Because, according to science, I and the rest of my culture are (like so many things in our lives) doing it wrong. Unless, of course we have one of those ass-istive emission devices. I recently joked around about making my own toilet for weight loss, but I was reminded today that there does.. Read More

Will learning Cantonese get me closer to “Lucy” level mind control?

I once read that we assume different personas when speaking different languages. At the time, I attributed that to the fact that we tend to socially match whoever we’re speaking with – and that it thus might be a cultural mirroring kind of a thing. However, while I’m sure that has to do with at least part of it, this piece I just perused on speaking Cantonese offers its own pitch on why.. Read More

I’mma letchyu finish, but first lemme tell you how to raise your kid.

My brother sent me a video clip of my niece the other day. “Great, Ashley. You’ve successfully bored me with the first sentence. Well done.” -Someone in the audience “Aw, c’mon. Give her a chance!” -Someone I planted in audience fully expecting that’d be said A chunky ball of glee and fat yet, she’s maybe a year and some change. And – in the video – as she lost balance, toppled over, and.. Read More