Miss Ashley Pants

Where is my god now?

Not a week after I write about my betrothed trail, do I get this big steaming pile of camel turd: That, ladies and gentlemen, is what they’re gonna do to my number one, wifey, go-to trail. A boardwalk. Right smack dab in the middle of my tranquility locale. My home away from home. Where my brain goes to rest theta style for a while, while my stems do all the heavy lifting. And.. Read More

Does anyone else’s brain rape the fun out of inspiring infographics?

Saw this li’l gem in my feed today: And I gotta admit – my first thought was, “Yeah, man! Next on deck’s so fuggin’ lucky they have no idea what they’re in for.” But then I got that twinge inside me that I always get when something sounds really good, but deep down I know it’s just because it coincides with what I want to believe about my narrow, spotless, filter of the.. Read More

WTF is a “free range kid”?

“Free Range… Kids”? When I first read that headline, I thought maybe I was gonna see a good diet article on how my omnivore friends can eat a baby goat without the guilt. Alas, it was just another article on bad parents. Ones who let their kids run around town free “without the worry”. And by “without worry” they mean “without supervision”. I’m actually not sure where the “without the worry” bit comes.. Read More

“Beach body ready” ad: is it sexist?

Do you think this is sexist? When this advertisement from protein world popped up on a subway wall, posing the inquiry “Are you beach body ready?” (next to a model I assume was so photoshopped that they finally gave up on the blur tool altogether and finally just rendered her in an Inkwell Instagram filter before plopping her against a lemon background), the butthurt was strong. Especially in the feminist community. Also: before.. Read More

I superfail at lazy days

I said I was gonna do it. And glob-damn if I didn’t try my hardest. But it was a failed venture. I just… don’t get it. I used to be so good at these. The “lazy, fat, days”. The routine was simple in the old days when my sanguine traffic flow was consistently polluted with pharmaceuticals and I ate processed canned crap. I’d get up, ply the lipped fissure in my face with.. Read More

Fitness blogger’s body photoshop vid was *almost* perfect…

On the heels of my fitness vlogger piece, comes a fitness blogger piece. Cassey Ho (who I didn’t even know was a thing until this viral video came out) recently did a sad skit meant to shine a spotlight on the cyberbullying issue (because all the real celebs who do sad videos seem to be having a great effect on actual bullying and not just looking more saintly while traipsing into news headlines.. Read More

#1 way to look like a sexy food Youtuber: be a sexy food Youtuber.

Although I’ve ragged on Freelee’s rag-cup videos before, she does have some great diet inspo. It’s just that I dunno if the way the diet gets championed is a blanket answer for everyone whose lifestyles are so… different from hers. But let’s backtrack for a sec. First, I’ll say that I can’t argue that this “Raw till 4” (the routine where you eat mostly fruits all day and can eat heated vegan noms.. Read More

Did Mila Kunis loot a coop? Does it matter?

In today’s not-news, Mila Kunis is getting sued for stealing a chicken. Ya know, maybe if she’d hidden her identity behind a fantastic faux hair piece like SIA does when she steals stuff, then she could’ve gotten away with it better. And she could’ve gone un-sued. And she’d now be living a life with her new avian acquaintance like the imaginary characters from Friends did with their duck in that apartment I don’t.. Read More

Men: why is your morning meat caffeinated before you are?

Ah, morning wood. (Really, I’d expect nothing less from someone who walks around pantless all the time) Any straight femme who’s ever done the long term relache thing is well aware of this phallic phenomena (in fact, I’m just now wondering if that’s why they’ve graciously endowed it with the “cock” moniker – ‘cause like a throbbing, veiny, rooster – it’s up and crowing before you are?) Yes. That’s the one and only.. Read More

Downey does best “Bye Felicia” ever mid interview

And now for a video of RDJ walking out mid-interview: (Fast-fwd to the last minute or so) Verdict? I would’ve done the same damned thing. The thing is, the interviewer is so equally parts transparent-in-his-motives and too-nervous-to-execute-’em, that the whole boiling pot of awkwardness just simmers down to Downey trying not to watch him through facepalm fingers as he struggles for the right words like a fish struggling for aqueous nourishment after wandering.. Read More