Miss Ashley Pants

And now for a list of terrifying sex toys.

Today, I learned what a “Vajankle” was. I can’t show you the picture. Because even when they’re depicted in silicone form, I’m pretty sure the WordPress overlords frown on photographs depicting feet with built-in snatches at the superior stump portion. So, instead, I’ll just let you marinate on that description, click here at your discretion, or just use your imagination to figure out what this novelty item’s for. As ever, a million questions… Read More

Korean girls trying American snacks (video)

As a yes-and to my Brits-getting-fat-in-America diet, comes this fantastic video: I didn’t make it through the whole thing (cue Sweet Brown meme). But about halfway through, you start to get a really good idea of just what our food’s done to us. Koreans who’ve never had the pleasure of dining on the SAD (Standard American Diet) try some of our most iconic snackfoods – from pop tarts to Twizzlers to salt and.. Read More

Cafe Ve-run-a: drinking joe pre-gym.

Two things are for sure in my life. Coffee. And coffee. Okay, three: and… cardio. Both the liquid A.M. pick me up and my kicks kickin’ up dirt and sweat have proven equally addictive pastimes for me. In fact, the coffeemaker on my counter hasn’t taken a holiday since the day we met. Even that one when I said I was going to quit cold turkey. (“I just… need to smell it brewing,.. Read More

Answering Blake Shelton’s “Who are you when I’m not looking?”

As my journey down the two lane dusty road called country music continues, I stumbled upon this gem below. And my mama always taught me not to be rude by ignoring a question when I’m asked. Even if you do, ya know, rhyme “looking” with… “looking”. . So, Mr. Shelton, I’ve nicely narrowed my succinct reply to what you’ll see below. Who I am when you’re not looking. Enjoy. I – in the.. Read More

Cinema Binge Pt. 4: “Interstellar” was def the I.V.’d meth in this bender.

Finally on my #HollywoodCinematicOverdoseBingeRelapseIRegretDoingThisWeekend was: “Interstellar”. And to cap off this a smorgasbord binge, this film was the amphetamine cherry topping to that smack Sparks flick that had just dumbed me into a coma. My brain went from subdued to singularity implosion the moment I took the wormhole from the galaxy of RomDrama genre to quantum universes and such. That said, it’s the only movie I watched without having to pause and collect.. Read More

Cinema Binge Pt. 3: “American Sniper” (I get a shame pass; I read the book)

In the midst of my shameful weekend movie binge, I finally watched “American Sniper”. Actually, this one warrants my one-shame-free pass. I mean, I had to watch it… I read the book and in my culture, it’s a sin not to compare to two things. It’s even worse of a sin to writer-kind if you do watch – to not write about it after – ya know, to bring the whole “literature, film.. Read More

Cinema Binge Pt. 2: Zach Braff’s “Wish I Was Here”.

Next from this week’s outta-character-outta-nowhere movie binge was “Wish I Was Here”. (Silent little comical interjections like these always make Zach’s films so much fun.) And… I liked it. I say that with a sort’ve’a shrug, though. It wasn’t “Garden State” level “liked it”, mind you, but it was good. The basic plot surrounded this struggling actor (Braff) dad who’s got recurring superhero fantasies, a couple kids, and who’s supported by both his.. Read More

Cinema Binge Pt. 1: Nicolas Sparks pulls spark plugs from my brain.

For give me, Father…*sob*…for… *sob*… … I have cin’d. That’s right. Cinema binged. Every evening this weekend. And I deserve to be absolved with nothing less than hydrochloric acid. I’m not proud. And I’m not sure what caused this. But I’ve got a pretty good idea. My guess is that it’s the same as last time, really. I think too much playing catch-up with reading and writing and multiple workouts and various other.. Read More

6 hypothetical uses for this GoPro on steroids. And their pros. And cons.

So, this new gadget’s in the works. And it sounds like something straight outta that movie “Final Cut”. You know? The one where Robin Williams is this futuristic photo splicer who takes bits of people’s recorded lives (because everyone has every second of their lives recorded in the future) and turns them into a montage for their families to watch or something? I think I got the gist of that right, but we.. Read More

It’s raining mein… chow-lelujah.

It’s like free grocery day for college kids on I-95 ‘cause this thing tipped over… It’s raining mein… chowlelujah! And it spilled the pre-packaged noodley goodness all over a more southern part of the same freeway I take whenever I feel like I’m not angry or in hate enough with the world and need humanity’s stupidity to help me out a bit. And what makes me even angrier? That this shiz never happens.. Read More