Miss Ashley Pants

Can fashion phlebotomy charge my phone?

Mmmkay. I’m gonna try to do an honest to goodness mental rewind here on what my brain first did looking at this story that popped up in my feed today. When I see something like this, first thing I do is: look at the pretty picture and say “Oooh.”. Then I read the title. Then I read the subtext. Then click the link. And skim the article. Maybe. But right from the start,.. Read More

HHHwhat? (Hearing impairents)

Talking with elderly parents is like the end of that one Geico commercial. “Who?.. WHO?!” But actually, it’s not a non-wise dementia thing. It’s worse than that. They’re still both sharp as can be – but maybe too proud to go ahead and get the auditory assistive devices they need that’d stop them from asking everyone to repeat themselves (“Who?! Who?! WHO!!!1”) every time we have a conversation. What is it about a.. Read More

Turning 30: Don’t settle for second best. OR second puberty.

I look for any excuse to laugh. That’s why when I saw this College Humor video on turning 30, I had a good guffaw or two – if nothing more than for the “you’re being punished for joy!” comment and the fun supplemental animation. I’m a sucker for creativity and sarcasm. Especially when it applies to my cohort group. Post by CollegeHumor. But as ever, I’ve some yes-and’s (more like yes-but’s). Try ‘em.. Read More

Quit being a pussy about catcalls.

Anyone else see this video about a chick walking around New York for 10 hours? Getting cat called? For whatever dumb reason, this played out under-cover video thing has stood out from the others enough to make every friend and their mother, mother’s mother, and fairy godmother share this shiz on my Facebook feed. Some of them have even asked me to comment. And I can’t, really. I mean, there’s nothing that stands.. Read More

Last minute halloween costume…

It’s a little late, but… Maybe I will dress up for Halloween after all. I mean, just to answer the door to the neighborhood brats and pass out candy. But mostly, it’ll be so that I have an excuse to design a badass costume that combines pop culture with my fave Tarantino character. This genius idea came to me today as I ruminated meditatively during the morning hours, while inundating my swallow socket.. Read More

Movies we need to make yesterday.

It’s clear I’ve missed my calling. Callings, actually. I’ve missed quite a few. There’re at least a hundred things I know I could do brilliantly – like the dude in the buckets that go up to fix electrical things in the sky. Or an antique shop cashier. Or that guy who stands at the DMZ in North Korea, saying “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!” to the guy on the other.. Read More

Walking Dead: I can’t this season.

I can’t watch “Walking Dead” anymore. Not the way this season’s going. I know. I know, Carl. Me, the bish who thrives on Romero, has memorized every line of “House of 1,000 corpses” and “Devil’s Rejects”, and knows more fun facts about Bundy than she probably should – can’t seem to watch her favorite show this season without spacing apart episodes. That’s right. There’ll be no series binging for this leg of the.. Read More

Filthy Princess: Part 2

(…continued from last blog.) Many a man still likes to think we womenfolk are princess-esque. Clean and pure. Waking with Bambi holding our coffee. But all it takes is a bit of seclusion from society to turn us into the LOTR creature. Here are 16 more signs you’ve become a reclusive princess o’ filth: 1. Your pets adopt the same moods as you – on cue. 2. The transformation between being in full.. Read More

Filthy Princess: Top 10 signs you’re a recluse.

“You’re beautiful,” a friend told me recently. “You’re beautiful too!” I replied. “No, men aren’t beautiful. We’re vile, filthy creatures.” It’s not the first time I’ve heard this misguided belief system about women being comparatively clean and pure. And I can’t speak for other ladies. But if you think we ovary vessels are all Snow White and silken sheets… Welp, I’m not the droid you’re looking for, sweet prince. You see, under the.. Read More

Spotlight on V. Scott – how an open mind closes in on goals

It’s amazing what we can accomplish, keeping an open mind while acting on passion. Wanting to make a difference might start with something already awesome like this: (Coat for the homeless that transforms into a sleeping bag and carrying bag.) But as it gains momentum, the same sentiment that inspired the coat can lead to changing lives on a mass scale. And that’s exactly what Veronika Scott of the Empowerment Plan Passion Project.. Read More