No such thing as a geriatric junkie

I once heard the phrase “There’s no such thing as a geriatric junkie.” Actually, I might have tweaked that (pardon the pun) slightly to sound more alliterative. Nonetheless, I always knew the general message was pretty much true – but my reasoning was apparently wrong. Here I was, thinking that whoever said it along with the “not even once” or “this is your brain on rainbow and unicorn inducing powder”.. Read More

Parents butthurt over a little peen

And today in butthurt parenting, we bring you: Toy penises No, not those. I mean, literal, actual plastic penises on the toy dolls kids play with. The ones where you change their diapers because they pissed themselves that are selling at Toys R Us. Indeed, a buncha moms took to Facebook with their imaginary soapboxes to voice their vexations about these lewd trinkets ending up in their homes. How dare.. Read More

Are all artists con artists?

“Ah, you’re taking a break from work?” I looked up through a visor of my own splayed fingers to see the source of the familiar inquiring voice with the rhetorical question. It was the maintenance dude who works at my apartment – just finishing up his shift. I paused for a moment. “Yes!” I lied enthusiastically. I was on a park bench, in the middle of summer, dog in tow,.. Read More

Will whorey makeup make me more dateable?

Reluctantly did I watch this thing today: Kinda obvi: Dress like a whore, get treated like a whore, die alone like a whore. But there’s more than meets the eyeliner here – because this is one of those things where as a chick, you have to meet your makeup halfway and consider the medium you’re using. First of all, people forget that who you are IRL is not who (or.. Read More