Residential revenge

Are all apartment complexes this bad? Or have I just gotten chronically un-lucky the past five years with loud upstairs neighbors? And random fees? You may be right, my friend. But not before a rant. Starting with the neighbors above: The last lot had a buncha kids rolling in every afternoon like a herd of ADHD elephants being chased by cheetahs. They remained there for a good time, smoking weed.. Read More

Popdates for your moribund souls.

I hesitate to use “celebrity” and “news” in the same sentence. But as my social media feeds slowly become inundated with stories and snapshots of things I never asked to see in the first place, I can’t help but feel bewildered about a few things that make the entirety of reality feel like it’s unraveling. Thus, I’m sharing a few pop-dates with you this week. (pop updates). It’s like pop.. Read More

Buylimia is the new bulimia.

Sometimes, when I start to get bored of my privileged life, I generate first world problems. “I’m too comfortable to get up and pee…Ugh.” “I don’t wanna shower ’cause I’ll be cold for two seconds before I can towel off. Ugh.” “I have to press a button on the wall to cool down in summer…Ughhhh.” “My parents care about me too much… YES, I got here safely. UGH.” “I wasted.. Read More

“I carry your DNA. I carry it in my DNA…”

Okay, I like the whole “awakened consciousness” stuff as much as the next person. But I gotta draw the line somewhere. That’s why when I saw this video of some dude who sounded like he was living in a mountaintop trailer, broadcasting daily about the grey astral immigrants who abduct him on a semi-regular basis, my eyebrows did an involuntary raise. I try not to judge. Some people have just.. Read More

Are you a birdbrain? Yes, but only if you speak a language.

“We should turn it into KFC,” my dad said, gazing disdainfully at the family lovebird. To be fair, he was joking (I think) and said love bird is a rage infused mentally ill pet my sister purchased for my mother several Christmases ago. I think she did it with the same good faith a trailer park chick does when she starts dating an abusive alcoholic who’s good in bed (“I.. Read More