This toddler just gave me my next million dollar idea

In a few years, I’ll be thanking this few-years-old kid for making me a billionaire: But first, some context for my product to be: Okay, so you know how people buy ridiculously overpriced gym memberships and never use them? I think I’ve ranted on that before – in a previous blog – how people feel like if they fork out money, they’ll be held accountable to actually get off their.. Read More

7 makeup tips from a former dungeon captive

“What’s that on your face? Take it off!” As a blossoming young sixth grader, I was chastised the first time I attempted to apply my own slutty eye liner. “What else are you doing that I wouldn’t approve of?!” In retrospect, it was probably in part because I used the only thing I had – a melted mock makeup crayon from a princess play kit I’d dusted off from five.. Read More

Pain is just pleasure on deck

Pain can be good for you, so they say. I don’t mean the chronic where-the-fcck’d-this-come-from sting of sciatica or a piece of shrapnel raping the comfort of your days. That shit’s just soul sucking until you get a physiological fix up (or just a fix of the pharmaceutiful genre, which ultimately isn’t the answer, unless your five year plan is drug dependency peppered with hostile outbreaks in rage, and ultimately.. Read More

50 shades of voyeur: what I learned from a bootleg of everyone’s favorite softcore porn.

*Sigh* Hi, my name is Ashley and I’m a hypocritical liarpants. The other day I… I watched… 50 Shades of HolyShitCanIRewindLifeAndHavemyTimeBack Now, hear me out. Because I’d started up a bootleg of it, paused because the quality was awful, saw the J-Simp photo shoot, had an intrigue-stiffy-deflation from that, decided not to watch, and then… finally… started seeing a shiz ton of other content makers who’d bravely sat through it.. Read More

WCW on a FRI: Crush on Amy Purdy as she crushes life’s balls.

This week’s tardy crush day (FemaleCrushFriday?) we all gather to adore: Amy Purdy. I saw an article on the purty Miss Purdy several months ago while thumbing through a hair salon magazine – and even the short mini-piece was awe inspiring enough for me to remember her name and recognize her when her Oprah interview aired this week. This.Bish.Is.Amazing. As a massage therapist and snowboarder, she was just living her.. Read More

Frocktical illusion: Ever hear this many men argue over fashion?

Move over, “Is there god?” “Are there aliens?” “What happens when we die?” There’s a new… gown in town. Nobody cares about the larger existential questions regarding the universe anymore. All we want to know is: what the actual fluck color is this frock gone viral? It’s madness. I saw the thing pop up on James Franco’s Instagram late last night, and by the morning, the apocalypse was well under.. Read More