3 ways McD’s Hamburglar is successfully manipulating you

Oh, lawd… McDonald’s reimagining of the Hamburglar is an even bigger fail than I’d anticipated. Yet, it’s going to succeed cuzza how they’re employing this giant wad of facepalm. McD's is after me (apparently, so is my wife)! Tweet #RobbleRobble to keep them off my trail. https://t.co/JBVThrmHir — McDonald's (@McDonalds) May 12, 2015 (I hate to encourage them by embedding this, but I reluctantly am ’cause it’s relevant) Because they decided.. Read More

Have I proven I’m ready for another dog?

Well, I’m in love. And I’m officially in a relationship. A sapphic, incestuous tryst of bestial proportions. Because I’m henceforth spoken for. By my fur-niece. Who I’m stealing very soon. (50 Sheds of White – the love story of home-wrecker and non-housebroken…) This bish genuinely thinks she’s a lap dog. And I just don’t have the heart to hold up the mirror like Elephant Man’s antagonists, and reveal her true.. Read More

Shout out to the real azz wifies ‘n moms

I’ve always been curious about that whole marriage ritual. Ya know? Like the jewelry, for instance. Why the left hand? Why the hand at all? Somehow, I just feel like it would be more appropriate if, instead of the finger, the ring went on the toe. And, actually, instead of a band at all – it were a tag: Ah. Yes. Far more accurate. It’s interesting how easily I get.. Read More