“Do people who make more money have more sex? Are they happier in life?”
This may seem like a two part answer of “Duh” and “Duh point duh to the are-you-kidding-me-th power”, but let’s pick it apart a little bit. Sure, there are the obvious, superficial reasons the well-off catch a good batch of strange on the regular. But what about when people like you or I get a raise? Get a good commission? Get promoted? Nobody knows, and yet they all seem to. Can we get to that easy-going, life’s a bowl o’ blow jobs serene mindset without making bank or getting raises? But let’s backtrack for a sec. Start with part one of the question:
Do people with more money really have more sex – and vice versa? If so, why?
And, more importantly, how do I mount this coin ‘n coitus carousel?
What kinda job do I need?
When you think about it, there’s a few reasons the opposite sex is down to eff when you’re up on finances. And the first two things kinda go together and may thus seem obvious: gold-digging and power proximity. Lovers might hang around on your platinum coated coattails when you’re obviously rich because they see it as a long term investment. Maybe if they play their cards right, you’ll sign away your common sense into marriage missing a prenup. Then, there are the others who don’t even want the commitment – they’re hot enough to have this kinda proposition happen every evening. The problem is that they’ve enjoyed that whole ushered-past-the-red-rope at any soiree anywhere treatment (and all the other miscellaneous amenities that come with looking like Bond chick from the 60s) for so long that they’re next level addiction comes in the form of making the rounds with powerful dudes. (As much as I quote that Frank Underwood line, it never gets old: “Proximity to power deludes some into thinking they wield it”) So, that’s the second reason you’ll find beauties falling pretty prey to some Christian Grey character donning a watch wrought from foreign toddler tears and absconding with ’em in his chopper to his mansion home across the country as they suddenly become willing do kinky flog sex with him.
“Yes, Ashley. All old news. A fairy tale older and more depraved than Grimm’s Fairy Tales”.
(Also gives a fun new meaning to one of my favorite song lyrics too.)
So let’s look at the third – less considered – reason, in my opinion, that applies less to the super rich and more to the laid lay folk. And let’s consider it by asking “more money than who?” There are people who – when you just look at them – are pretty much indistinguishable from others who are up or down a few clicks with respect to financial class (so you know no one’s just chasing dat ass ‘cause it’s sitting behind the pocket with your wallet). Still, they’re raking in more paper and poon than the celibate fellow cohorts with a lower income. Why? Well, the BigThink article I read suggested it as being a cyclical thing:
“Does lack of sex lead to lower wages or lower wages lead to less sex? In the literature there are studies that have examined both effects. Celibacy results in lower wages, as well as lower wages leading to less sex. That is, we can provide socio-economic arguments and health- and mental health-based arguments in order to support both effects.”
Great. But where do you enter the cycle? And how?
Well… in my experience?
It’s generally more to do with the vibe you put out when you feel secure.
It’s attractive not because you’ve got a pair of emerald dollar signs shining outta your pupils. (Unless everyone but me’s Sookie Stackhouse level telepathic and I just don’t know it.) It’s attractive because it’s evident in that is manifests as happiness. “So you’re saying money buys you happiness?” Not directly. I’m saying the initial feeling, if you cultivate it, that having your needs met (like a nice paycheck) gets you – can. If you foster it with good relationships in between. Earning “more” means that you’re in a period of personal growth – a thing that helps tremendously with self-affirmation and confidence. And that end-rainbow pot o’ gold may not be billboarded on your body, but its radiant glow in which you’re sheathed sure is. And that’s what’s magnetic. It’s sexy. (Unless what you’ve been doing to get it is soul-selling seediness).
Remember that article I wrote about “poverty vs. abundance mindset”? When you’re obsessed with funds, fun gets back-burnered. Sometimes this is rational, if you’re desperate and truly impoverished. But too many people live as if they are when they’re not – because they’re living beyond their means to fit in. When that happens, you end up needlessly making yourself unhealthy and depressed. And unless you’re a rock star, depression’s rarely an attractive factor. Interesting thing about that, though, is that you wouldn’t be worrying about money ever as a rock star and yet so many are still suicidally depressed. Because they choose to reside in that mindset instead of solution seeking how to nix the demons betwixt doing gigs and hits of heroin (“But that’s where my best material comes from, maaaan…”). Which, yet again, full-circle proves the point (I was gonna say “my” point – but it’s not really; so many other people than I have been saying this for ages) in a whole new way. Abundance is a mindset.
And that’s the fun part.
You don’t even have to actually be getting the raise to get happy (or hiney).
Don’t get too excited.
I’m not saying you can sit on your sofa and wait for it to happen while you melt into some entity that’s half flesh ‘n half fabric. Can’t fool yourself into self-affirmation and a job well done for long; fake confidence isn’t a lasting thing. People can detect that. But what I mean is, maybe it’s a give and take – where exuding the “I’m rich, bish” persona is your golden ticket onto the funds, fornication, and comfort carousel… in that actually manifesting those things follows when you power on the effort-electricity to make it move. In fact, it may not even take sex if that’s not your main drive; tandem to that quote above in the article on BigThink, they also say that “other forms of emotional support” can accomplish that same post-sex feeling that helps us thrive in work and well-being. In a way, that’s sometimes better. Espesh, if you’re crazy like me – and go from post coital cool-girl euphoria to meat cleaver wielding Glenn Close within a half second’s span.
“He won’t try putting THAT in THAT again…”
Ain’t a bad shoe-in till you sort out your shit – whatever your shit is. And that works for me. Means I can skate by on brunch dates in the morning and holding the door for old ladies later to fulfill my connection quota if I want to (save some poor soul the effects of my sex-psychosis). And – since I’m not spesh – that means: so can you. You can start by considering all the shit you do have already that sadly others don’t (and maybe give some of it to them if you’re not an asshole – it’ll help with that whole “support” feeling thing). Then, as your reward, you can click over to that same “abundance mindset” that makes you richer. And happier. And healthier.
And – apparently – laid.