Hello, all! Welcome to blog one. I don’t know much about all the wonderful features this site has to offer, but let me begin by apologizing in advance… I haven’t been able to find a way to make the font larger. I can do everything from italicizing to inserting images and manifesting movie links (sorry I still dunno how to embed them); but the little letter issue seems to be something I’ve not yet been able to change.

Anyway, it’s a rainy day here, so I decided I’d bust my blog cherry. I really wanna skip the whole “Intro” and “about me” deal. For now, let’s just say that I’m a 20-something year old female with chronic spinal pain, back issues, etc. And up until recently, I’ve hated T.V. in general, but now that I’m required to take a bit more “rest and recuperate” time, I’ve found and affinity (more so a love/hate relationship) with some of reality (a term used loosely) T.V. shows. Also, I’ve a few friends who work in that bizz specifically and have let me in on a few of the “behind the scene” secrets from the filming rooms; so it’s made the viewing experience a tad more interesting for sure. While I’m not one to metaphorically “kiss and tell” secrets, there are things that even those who never watch reality T.V. can deduce…

As I perused a few different shows, I started to notice a theme. No…I don’t mean the generic “pan to svelte girl sauntering down the street for five minutes in the latest loubou’s”. Or how they “Clearly label the locales the ladies eat/drink/buy clothes at” so that the wannabe heiresses will write down and head there the next day with bank card in hand. Durr. Anyone with numbers in their IQ realize the majority of the episode is a prideless plug for either existing or “up ‘n coming” designers. Or for clubs that have evolved, devolved, and renovated under a new name with new decor. All very formulaic. And what better advertisement than via shows like “The Hills”? Bla bla bla. I lived in L.A. a few years ago for a model/acting agency. I know the routine.

But my year in L.A. also opened my eyes to a great deal more than just design and dance venues. The wonderful world of… you guessed it… drugs! Now, let me be clear. While I’m no angel in many respects, this blog and the nature of what we’re about to discuss in *no* way concerns me or my personal life, so let’s not start getting ants in your pants. Yours truly is merely a fly on the wall. What I *will* say is that, once whisked through the rope of velvet via VIP friends, going to the loo to “powder your nose” meant something totally different in La La land than it does here out east. For my more more sheltered friends, I’m referring to a drug called cocaine ~ a terrible and addictive substance, to be sure.

Yet, even worse, it’s lovely cousin “Crystal Meth”. Now, I’m not knocking my party people. Everyone experiments and does their thing here in there. I’m neither condoning nor championing the occasional use of party favors. To each his own. The real problem is that irreversible downward spiral into which one enters. You’ve all seen the “Meth-Death” montages of the lovely ladies who truly turn into living cadavers complete with pock marked mugs. Some survivors receive help before it gets “too far”, and some don’t; But either way, it’s an ugly drug to get mixed up with. Most are, but this one can turn you into an ugly person… and not just on the outside.

But how does this related to our “reality TV” friends? Well, let me give you a brief 101 on the Telltale Signs of a crystal king or queen, and then you can tell *me*: During my time in L.A., I could tell the coke-heads from the meth-heads via few tell tale signs: The former of the two would usually jostle their jaws around a lot, and sit wide eyed wanting to talk at (I don’t say “with” b/c you usually can’t get a word in edgewise) you non stop.

Meth heads, on the contrary, seem to move around non stop, like their various appendages are noodles trying desperately to escape their own bodies. They’ll dance back and forth. They’ll sit down. Stand back up. Mess with their faces. And god forbid, if they don’t have a fix within a given amount of time… they will become ballistic. Enraged. 28 Days Later style gouge-out-the-eyes-of-your-loved-ones style horror show. Everyone around them is worthless. No one matters, nor do their feelings, nor does their existence. They will scream for no reason at their very best of friends until *no one* is left to support or listen to them. All that matters…is the crystal.

Which leads me back to our reality TV friends 🙂

We’ll start with a more mild version of someone clearly “under the influence” This is a dialogue between a couple of characters from a show called “Pretty Wild”. A stupid show, but interesting in a train-wrecky-gotta-keep-watching kinda way. Cue to about a minute in and take note of “Max” and his body movements. The antsy dance back and forth. The non stop wiggling. (BTW, sorry for the advertisement you hafta wait through)


Now, to be fair, he was in the middle of his band practice when his annoying not-really-girlfriend showed up (but, all of this is pre-planned so the chances that he was “caught off guard” are minimal). But upon further investigation of random rendezvous encounters shared between these two characters thereafter, this “Max” individual apparently comports himself this way a great deal. I’m willing to invite the possibility that he’s just “camera shy”…but he’s a self proclaimed rocker who is on camera all the time, so that kinda wouldn’t make sense to me :/

Let’s move on to “The Hills”. I wish I had a few clips of Ryan Cabrera (Audrina Partridge’s boyfriend of the moment), because he’s a classic all over the place/sniffling/acting strange type of fellow, but, alas; I do not. Actually, I’m just too lazy to hunt it down. Sorry :/ You’ll just hafta take note of his behavior when it re-runs next time.

Regardless, Cabrera is no match for the epic Spencer Pratt. Now, I never kept up with The Hills during the early seasons, so I can’t tell how much he has “changed” since he started on this downward spiral….but let’s focus on how crazypants this kid is going while his friend is trying to spit a tad of truth @ him:


Okay…so I did a few google searches to see if anyone else had already done a blog like this. And, to my dismay, I noticed that (while many do think Spencer is on drugs) no one seemed to notice the blatantly obvious… Am I the only one on planet earth able to make the connection between the fact that these “crystals” Spencer buys and wears are a blatant metaphor for what kind of “crystal” he’s really doing? I think the line (pardon the pun) which with his friend finishes really sums it up. “Look in the mirror” I disagree, buddy! I think that’s the problem to begin with: Pratt’s been clearly hovering over one too many mirrors.. with one hand holding a nostril closed, and the other gripping a heated glass pipe…

All the signs are there. Sadly, this seems like an epidemic, and reality TV is just *one* conduit through which we get to see how this lifestyle dominates much of L.A. Whether it’s the Hills, the Valley, etc., it’s out there in full force. Just watch one episode (if you can last that long), and take note of the fact that for every five minutes they show the women speaking or laughing or reacting silently to something being said by their counterparts, the poor camera man can only get about 20 to 30 seconds at a time of footage of the guys b/c they are too strung out to show x-million viewers and still proudly be advertised by E! or MTV or whatever.

Now, before I get ahead of myself, I don’t want to make this a “gender” biased deal. I admittedly haven’t seen enough of these shows to decide “who’s doing what”. I *will* say that Miss Cavallari is on the Rock Radar as well, thanks to some of her recent shenanigans.

As for Miss Heidi, I can’t tell whether she is upset about Spencer’s obvious addiction. No, I mean, literally. At first, I didn’t really look closely and thought “oh the surgery’s not so bad”… but seriously… Her mug is now in an eternally emotionless facial freeze propagated by plastic. Anyway… whether she’s on his page or not, let’s face it: She’s the disowned daughter pariah from her parents whose covered in “crystals” herself, and has no one left to turn to…Spencer’s all she’s got. In short, her opinion on his behavior is undeniably irrelevant: I’m fairly sure that (when it comes to Pratt) there’s no way she’s going to “Crys and Tell” ;).