They always say to be careful what you post online.

Photos, posts, tweets, cheeky links… it’s all indelibly inked into your digital journal.

Not that anybody ever listens. I mean, in my culture, that typically just means stuff like “Don’t rant about your job!” (’cause your boss might see it). Or: “Don’t get your address in the picture of your house!” (‘cause that one weirdo you forgot to delete from Facebook but never did might drive to your house and set up camp in a van outside your home to silently watch you do nothing all day). Or: “Don’t vent on your status!” (‘cause, well, it’s fckkn annoying to everyone else). But as inconvenient as all’a (foreshadowing) those things are, pretty much none of them compare to the ramifications of unintentionally disclosing your location via sosh. media photo when you’re… an ISIS member. (Get it? Allah? All’a. Ahhh?! Nvm… Moving on…)

And that’s exactly what happened this week. Someone at the extremist HQ hopped on an online forum to post boast selfie style about just how powerful ISIS (Or is it ISIL? I dunno why we feel they’re deserving of two diff nicknames) was. Ironic, considering what was about to happen to them once the Airforce caught wind of it. Can you guess what that was?

(It’s always after we start ego vomiting that we get taken down a peg or two, isn’t it?)

According to the head dude of the Air Combat Command, Gen. Hawk Carlisle:

“The guys that were working down out of Hurlburt, they’re combing through social media and they see some moron standing at this command. And in some social media, open forum, bragging about the command and control capabilities for Daesh, ISIL. And these guys go: ‘We got an in.’ So they do some work, long story short, about 22 hours later through that very building, three [Joint Direct Attack Munitions] take that entire building out.”

I suppose this is where the whole “happily ever after” should go.

But TBH I’m still left with a slew of questions: Like… does this still count as part of that whole sacrificial suicide thing – where you die for (some gross misinterpretation of) Islam and go cash in on the virgins ‘n stuff? Or when he gets to the after world, will god just hand him a Darwin Award and be like “Congratulations, idiot! As punishment, all your virgins are actually gonna be gangly teen dudes who’ve never been laid!”

More importantly – how pissed is Allah gonna be when he realizes that’s exactly what ISIS men prefer?