So, I was tagged in this post today about the rise of the “Dadbod”- asking for my opinion. So, I suppose I’ll sound off. The feather-ruffling essentially surrounds the whole double standard of how moms are expected to maintain an acceptable level of body karate, while “Dadbod” gets championed (beer belly, low maintenance, poorly manicured facial hair, and other miscellaneous things to add to the nitpick list).

Ya know, like you’ll see on those hot-wife/fat-dad T.V. sitcoms.

If you watch T.V. sitcoms.

And let them make you feel bad about yourself.

So, what’s my opinion on the matter?

Well, to be honest, I’ve never been a mom (or dad for that matter) so I can’t say what brand of fckkery cultivating a family from the ground up might do to my schmexy maintenance priorities. But I do think it’d be kinda awful to judge the mother or father of your progeny based on some extra flesh flaps. And before you eye-roll, hear me out. I mean, let’s really look at this sitch. Whether you’ve got an XL hubs or wife – that’s your partner, right? Instead of judgment and resentment, why not use the mouth parts of your mombods and dadbods alike – to open the line of communication? It’d be better, it seems, to speak up, ask what’s going on, see if maybe your lovey is feeling-eating, what those feelings/anxieties are, and then try to be encouraging about turning shiz around from here.

Why’s it gotta be a competish? Who green-lit that nonsense?

Frankly I’m sick of hearing the whole “We’re expected to stay hot while they get fat” insanity. Firstly: you stay fit for you; you did it when you were single, most likely, so why – suddenly – would you use the body in bed next to you as a barometer for where you should be? Secondly: Who “expects” this of us? I’m curious. Are they going to be coming around and doing house calls like some sorta CPS agent, armed with a fat pincher and scale? If not, then… like… why are we listening to them? Because everyone else is? Is “everyone else” in your household and part of your family? (If so, I hope they’re contributing to that energy bill, ’cause it’s hot AF already this spring.) Trends, entertainment, and the magazines who disseminate these fallacies aren’t your Dr. Drew. Instead of comparing physiques, I’d invite anyone in a marriage to mayhaps remember why they married that other person or opted to bake up a batch of people pups with them in the first place. Love, I hope, right? Someone smarter (and now deader) than I am once said, “Love is not love which alters when an alteration finds.” You can’t be resentful and loving at the same time. Want to help them – because you love them. Not because it’s unfair, unequal, or their massive belly’s blocking then sun when you two lay out at the beach. I can totally appreciate that that’s a tough concept to ingratiate, ’cause we live in a competish society. But save that mentality for yourself. Reserve that mindset for yesterday’s you. Not the other members your tribe. Compete against whoever you were one sunset ago and be better than that person today. ’cause then, you’ll wanna help the person you wed get better.

If there’s anything to worry about, it shouldn’t be the aesthetic value of your chubby lover, but this:

1.) the fact that their visible unhealthiness is a symptom of emotional turmoil.

2.) whatever disgusting diet and non-exercise they’re doing def isn’t gonna be sustainable.

Not if they wanna live to see the precursors to their dad or mom bods graduate high school.