Ever wish you could put your boobs to work?

Ya know – without having to strip, do porn, or sit under airplane seats serving as emergency flotation devices?

Me too.

But now we need look no further, thanks to a latest trend called “Tittygram” – a service that finally provides the answer for your lifelong question: “Where on the web can I send in a message I’d like to see marker scrawled across a headless and ample rack?” Tittygram is apparently the answer. Within an hour, a model will graffiti your diction all over her funbags, take a snap, and send it to your inbox. All for the low price of ten bucks. Downside? Unlike some other IRL sexy services that exist, you don’t get to tuck it into her glittery “work uniform” yourself. Upside? You don’t have to ask the banker to break a Benji into singles first. Another upside (about their company – on a service and donation level) is that, even though they conveniently avoided calling their bizz “Mammary-gram”, they do indeed donate about two percent of their profits to breast cancer research. So, that’s kindofa nice thing. If you’re thinking of bringing your upper assets to their company. Which I bet ya are, ya tart.

Burger King’s sex-selling answer to McDonald’s hottie hamburglar.
Tit for tat.
Or tit for DILF, in this case.

And that reminds me of my original point.

So, my main question is: How much do the “models” get paid for displaying their girls? I mean, this sounds like the best side gig ever in the world for those who’ve been blessed with chesticles (whether by life or by knife). Because your face is hidden (yet another upside), only your cleavage is exposed, and (from the looks of the backdrops I’m seeing and the less than profesh quality), I’m guessing you don’t even have to leave your home to do it. It’s like Tramps Anonymous. Honestly – what better way to educe your inner slut could you possibly ask for? It’s like you get to be a digital Catherine Denevue a la “Belle de Jour” without actually having to risk having your identity be discovered (like you’d take a chance on doing with webcam or amateur soft core glamour shot stuff). That said, I’d jump on the opportunity super soon if you’re interested in penning your décolletage up into a boob marquee (BoobzMarquee – that’d’ve been a far funner name – ya know like the rapper? “Oh, baby, you//got daddy issues//you say it pays for class//that it beats shakin’ ya ass…”) ‘cause as many chicks as I see doing some version of this on IG for free, the going rate’ll probably go down before long.

I’d totally do it myself, but, ya know, right now I have a sunburn.

(If I’ve learned anything from Anonymous programs and the internet, it’s that your identity’s never truly protected.)