Is it old news if something happened last week and I’m just learning about it?

Like a mosquito twister, for instance? Because I feel like a funnel cloud comprised of flying vampire bugs isn’t something that loses it’s lustre on the info front. We need to know about these things and teach them at church – right between communion and the handing out of pitchforks and torches to defend the good children of god against the heathens who do things slightly different from us.

Ana Filipa Scarpa was wrapping up a photoshoot in Portugal when she saw this:

(I feel like we should be calling it “gnat-nado” instead of “mosquito-nado”. In fact, that’ll be the title of this thing. Come on, writers. Outside the box. Or funnel)

Scarpa said, “It was a very high funnel swinging to the left and to the right. I pointed my camera and began shooting before it hit me. But the funnel did not move toward me — and I thought it was so strange — so I got into my car and started to drive towards it, and that’s when I realized it was a mosquito twister.”

Um… who drives toward a tornado? Is that a starving/willing-to-die-for-your-craft super passionate artist thing with which I was deprived? “♪Passion, exit stage left…” (and GTFO of Portugal..)

On the other hand, maybe she’s like me and gets a peril boner when she thinks death is coming in a massive way. Who knows. Whether or not she gets off on danger, she’ll be getting “Off” for her camera kit from here on out. #zing


I’m not 100% sure on the “wouldya rather” front – but I’d almost bet all the money I don’t have that I’d rather get mowed down by mother nature via murderous winds than winged demons. Can you imagine just minding your business as you blissfully carry your picnic basket to grandma’s house when this mofo descends on your flesh? And what you’d look like emerging from it (for the brief time you’re still alive before catching mutant-malaria or infections from scratching)?

That’s the spirit, Lump.

That said, I beg to differ with some of the statements being made about how “there’s nothing more terrifying that a mosquito tornado”. Slinging around superlatives like these really undermines the following fact: there is literally nothing worse than a pack of arachnids ironically descending from the heavens

Especially since they hail from hell.

Sidenote: The day I see a Nope Funnel, I’m stowing on the next NASA mobile outta here.