We don’t hafta get off our asses to eat McDonald’s, order Starbucks, or even do banking.
So why should we be bothered to do it while paying respects to the dead?
That’s what one Michigan dude wondered, too. And then he made a whole business out of the eternal question we’ve been asking ourselves since the dawn of obligatory post mortem ceremonies: Why should I push pause on my life just because god pushed the power button on yours?
Hawaii News Now – KGMB and KHNL
“You may find people who are afraid of funeral homes, now they can view their loved ones from the convenience of their car,” said Ivan Phillips, owner of Paradise Funeral Chapel before adding, “I wanted to bring something to Saginaw that we’ve never had here before.” Then another lady, added: “It would be good for people who have trouble getting out of their cars.”
Ah, yes! You mean the people who spent too much time at the other drive-through down the street with the golden pitchfork and evil clown? Until they literally couldn’t exit the opening in their car? And now they just live with a steering wheel forever embedded into their ribs, gradually calcifying into their chest bones while adipose tissue envelops it and advances toward the dashboard?
Yeah, man. That’d be grrrreat for ‘em.
On the upside, deadsy drive-throughs could prevent drive-by’s too – when warring gangs go to pay their fallen homies their respect but don’t want the dudes who took him out to come finish off the rest of the crew, too.
#protectourvaliantgangmembers
(Oh, someone beat you to the bulletproof punch, homie. By like several years. Better hope there’s no Compton Copyright on that shiz.)
It’s also gonna be great for those of us who have to put Visine in our eyes and then giant Chanel sunnies over them, before heading into a communal gathering where we try and pretend to fit in with the rest of the sobbing people. And then spend the whole service trying to not look like the only sociopath who brought in a snack and is spending the entire time checking email, pursing our lips, trying not to sigh out of boredom, and bunching our fists to feign that familiar face of “I’m fighting off tears”. (Dudes are so much better at making that face.)
Now we don’t have to deal with any of that.
But I do wonder how many emotionally-induced traffic fatalities transpire nearby?
And more importantly – can you imagine how good that’ll be for his business?!
That’s like… only two stops before coming back to where they just were!
#VerySmartBusinessMan
Totally setting up my own funeral franchise.
Names I’m tossing around are:
“Feels on Wheels”, “Grieve ‘n Go”, and (if I set one up in Compton), “Ride or Die Bitches”.