My soul just shat itself.

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Billions of dollars in various forms of currency, guns in numbers exceeding any museums you’ve visited, exotic animals, and some priceless pieces of stolen artwork were all seized from the house of a Mexican druglord a couple months back.

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I’m just hearing about it now, but the whole concept is still kinda surreal to me because even though I’m no angel, I’ve yet to become buddies with an illegal chemical kingpin or visit his opulent domicile across the border. The logical part of me knows it’s real and exists. But the irrational “Things my senses can’t capture ain’t real- not even OXYGEN!” part who’s never experienced the bits beyond her box of seclusion? Yeah. Not so much. Till now.

It’s pretty easy to see movies like Scarface or Blow and chock it all up to Hollywood drama if you’ve never seen it f’real. And that reaction’s totally selfish, for me at least. My first gut response isn’t “aw, the poor people suffering at the expense of illegal drug trading – it can’t be true!”

Sadly, it’s more like, “He’s being rewarded with cocaine capital, and I with carpal tunnel syndrome.”

A man-made grotto:

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Some priceless art the museum’s been missing:

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I mean, just look at all this money that’s not mine:

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Oh, let’s play the jelly bean game!

Guess how much money this is:

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Now, I want you to pause, take a deep breath, and try not to vomit…

22 billion dollars.

Yes. With a “b”.

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But, as far removed as the Hollywood version or even these pictures may feel, it does relate to us common folk. For instance, before your brain tries to process that amount of cash you just observed, think of it this way: the combined value of everything seized from this drug lord’s house would be sufficient to cover the health insurance of every living citizen in America – dudes, chicks, and children alike – for over a decade. Why the comparison to those economically struggling? Because the drug money itself is used to buy off public officials of all sorts – which keeps the game going – and makes the war on drugs just another illusory battle.

Oh, and there are at least 27 other rustic villas like this one thought to be tucked anonymously away in Mexico.

If drugs were more regulated and less illegal, this is one of many substance related issues that’d go away.

But then… how would the 1% remain the 1%?