After four (light) years, I’ve finally started running again.

Okay, okay. It’s more like rabbit-on-crack galloping. When I asked my P.T if I could run again with a herniated disc, he said, “Sure!”, told me “Chi” running would be best for my back, then said he’d show me how the next week if I waited.

But a wise man once said, “The time is NOW.” And since I’m really good at misconstruing meanings of things, I used this saying to… ya know… go Youtube the technique, write a whole blog on it, and try it out before I was supposed to.

I’m still recovering.

No, really, though – it’s been great. Burns like a bitch, but I’m just glad to be doing cardio where there’s intermittent air between my feet and Earth itself.


It’s like some of the other stuff I’ve given a chance.

After years of saying “I’ll never to be able to do yoga”, I finally got physically nauseated enough by my inner and outer monologues enough to just try that. Back then, I hit the internet too and gained some beginner 101 skills which I took to a yoga studio – which in turn took my money.

To my surprise, the instructor said she was surprised I was a beginner.

I don’t say that so that I can rip off my arm for a thorough masturbatory back pat. It’s because the tutorials helped a lot (thanks, Youtube!) and because it would’ve been impossible with the preexisting lifelong no-can-do attitude I’ve had.

Likewise, the youtube research, and what yoga itself offered would both carry into Chi running.

Now, with Dr. Awesome’s help, I’m up to about 15 minutes of being able to run. And things are already changing both on and off the treadmill – just like yoga helped me in more ways than sweating on a mat or adding culo complimentary pants to my cario fashion collection. Mid run, he asked me: “Were you a dancer at some point? You picked this up quickly!”

I almost fell off the belt laughing. Truly, I’m naturally awful at taking direction because I’m easily distracted. It wasn’t until trying out poses on a mat that I could CTRL-ALT-DEL my mind. I fall on my ass if I don’t suffocate my cerebral musings.


So, those concepts carried on over to Chi running beautifully. From learning how to stop breathing like a Rob Zombie monster’s after me to keeping focused exactly on what my body is doing, it gives a chance to fix whatever feels wrong in all I do. As somebody constantly seeking freedom from discomfort, the poses in yoga let me know the minute I’m fucking up – namely by being extremely uncomfortable until I change my posture or breath.

When applied to the Chi trot, fuckupery is evident in a much louder way.

You’ve gotta maintain a forward lean for the entirety of the run, strike with your midfoot, and never use your heel. For me, this involves a lot of making sure my posture stays alright as well as my footing and breathing. If my mind veers into the future or the past, I start sounding like African elephants stampeding in Steve Madden pumps from the 90’s.

And where yoga bled into running, the running style’s applicable in daily stuff.

I mean, isn’t that how the most successful people live their lives? Completely focusing on the task at hand, but always moving forward? Acknowledging uncomfortable tasks as they come and breathing through each right away? Never resting on their heels?

That’s so not how I’ve lived my life.

I wait to solve shiz till I’ve got two walls closing in like the end of than one Edgar Allen Poe tale I can’t remember the name of. When stressed, I easily lose focus about what I’m supposed to do. I think “I did one productive thing today out of twelve thousand and two; thus the universe should reward me.”

(Then I proceed to live up to this cosmic consensus made by no one by watching the new Anna Faris sitcom for the rest of the day and refusing to answer my phone)


That mentality might have gone on until Comcast shut down my Faris Slacker’s Day Off party for lack of remuneration. But what I’m getting from Chi (aside from occasional jog-gasm some water down and dub “runner’s high”), is applicable to this too. There’s the bit about putting my all into what I’m doing. Or breathing into whatever uncomfortable circumstances arise. Or paying attention to what feels funky and fixing form.

Or – the “lean”.

That constant acceleration with no “in between” means leaning from one task or step into another, sans self-congratulation on the step you just took (hard for me) or how many minutes you’ve accomplished (far harder for me).

All’a that’s pretty crucial to success.

Oooh. *That's* what a nice big mug of "shut the eff up" look's like...
Oooh. *That’s* what a nice big mug of “shut the eff up” look’s like…

Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to get asked if you’ve lost weight one week after starting something new.

And let’s be honest, that’s what it’s all about here, isn’t it?

Momentum might be the fuel – but dat ass is what’s driving round town on dat gas.