Do you want to take the blue pill? Or the pink pill?

Well, if we’re talking about libido boosters versus making some moral decision about saving the world, it’s pretty simple. We’re all well aware that the notorious “blue pill” is for boys. But what you may not know is that there’s now a pink one, as well – for girls gone dry. And while that’d make a fun title for a bunch of footage fails where sleazy bead tossing hosts trolling Mardi Gras get turned turned down repeatedly, “girls going dry” is apparently enough of a syndrome (though I think they’ve got a more medical sounding term for it than mine) that they’re now pushing (or nearing the end-trials to sell) a pharmaceutical to fix it called Flibanserin.

(Or, at least that’s how they’re marketing it now since it apparently failed as a depression drug earlier.)

Thing about that is, though, if you’re losing your penchant for peen (or poon – whatevz – let’s not be rainbow racist here), wouldn’t it be better to look at why? If you’re in a relache – is it something you can fix with couple counseling? If you’re solo and dating, is it mayhaps your other dynamics (work, friends, family) dragging you down? Or your own habits? Yes, I finger wag at pills a lot – but that’s only because they’re more overused than “Mean Girls” gifs in a typical AshleyPants article. Of course drugs are great for when they’re legit needed: life debilitating conditions, family gatherings… And, yes, if you genuinely can’t flood your lady basement even after looking at Gosling memes for an hour, then mmkay. Access granted so you can grant phalli access.

But if prizing a prescription from your primary care physician is always option A for you every time you have so much as one random ache, sad day, or forkless date night, then all you’re doing is manipulating your own way into a gag-reel of god-awful side effects – both now and then on an amplified level later down the line. Then, before you know it, you’re only 50 and the most exciting part of your day’s when you empty out a pill caddy onto a plate and wash it down with a nice bottle of Ensure that’s gone warm ’cause your hands and arms have chronic tremors and you can’t get the drugs in your face hole fast enough. So, instead’a first opting to pop some mystery chemical ridden non-answer in your mouth… mayhaps try getting the answers from what comes out of your mouth – after you talk to another kinda doc.

Or anyone who might be able to help.

Which reminds me, let’s don’t tell Bill Cosby this thing exists.