Have you ever lived in a place you can barely afford?

And feel like a hooker browsing on Rodeo anytime you walk through your own foyer?

Well, good. You should.


In fact, a New York apartment building that’s in the making is going to save you some trouble of feeling bad about being alive in the presence of your you-so-fancy neighbors. The 33 story building imminently coming to 40 Riverside Bouleveard will allow your wealthy fellow tenants to live suspended in the celestially high suites (which you’ll never see in your lifetime much less be able to afford) up above… while you enter at stage street-bum, out in the back alley. That’s right. We’ve installed a separate entrance for you to protect the pure senses of the prosperous from ever having to be reminding your ilk exists.

What’s that? That sounds like segregation based on income?

Well, I never! How dare you be so dreadfully ungrateful when the only reason you’re living here in the first place is a tokenistic afterthought so that we can get valuable tax breaks! You should feel lucky to reside in such opulence for such an affordable price at all. And now you want to taint the olfactory bulbs of the opulent with that oh so familiar I-don’t-have-my-own-driver stench? Preposterous! Egregious! Inconceivable!


They’re just minding their own business, riding down a slide of gold from their LED, O2 controlled penthouse homes every morning – and you want to ruin their whole day by stealing their oxygen? They were right about you classless bastards – you are thieves!

Just how selfish are you, peasant?

You know, I bet that however much these apartments go for (there’s only gonna be 55 out of the total 219) they’ll still be ridiculously expensive too. And while I love a bit of money-guilt-tripping against rich folk, I can’t help but try to see the other side of this story. The “other side” I’m willing to concede is that there are the Dicaprios and Depps and whoevers of the world who don’t get to turn anonymity or obscurity off and on at will. They aren’t special, but they are people. And they’re made to seem special, so everyone thinks they have a right to infringe on their privacy in hopes of financial gain. It’d be annoying to live in a place where I had to wonder if I’m getting iphone or googleglass sniped every five seconds all because of my line of work. And if living exclusively around people who can commiserate means having to pay more – I’m totally doing that. (And then secretly sniping my neighbors in high def… And then selling it to the Examiner for even more money.)

What? Don’t look at me like that.

I’m saving for my “bubble in the sky hovering above poorer people’s penthouses” upgrade.