You know what sucks more ass than fat?

Dying while you get fat sucked out of your ass. Which is what happened to this former supermodel a couple years ago:

(Not bad for middle aged chick right?).

Now the found-guilty doctor is facing time – but not as much as he should for a med-profesh who knew she’d had her effing heart replaced a decade prior.

Even for normal people, accidents happen during fat-vac procedures.

Kanye West (I think?) suffered a loss like this with his mom a year or five ago. She bit the dust during a “routine” derrier dirt deviling (or tummy? Or thighs) And while it’s sad, can we pause for a second and reflect on our part? On that phrase “routine cosmetic procedure”? It strikes a chord in me – like a cat dragging its ass across a piano.

Since when is going under to get cut up as nonchalant an operation as doing brunch?

I get it. For the Forbes sort, it’s as easily accessible as wiping their own ass (with a stack of money). But when death (the great equalizer that doesn’t care about your bank balance) is a statistical possibility that increases each visit, why not try to refine your lifestyle and save your fam a Beverly Hills funeral appearance?


That said, when you’ve had your heart replaced like Isel Pineda did, I guess it gets tricky.

I worked with a patient as a PT tech who had his heart replaced.

It was terrifying. Once you know, you feel like you have to wear a biohazard suit around them for their safety. I spent the entire hour I’d work with him wondering “What if he drops dead while I’m taking him through exercises?”

So after Isel had her heart replaced in 2004 (by Dr. as-seen-on-TV Oz, no less), I’m not sure if she was even allowed to feel the burn as deeply as she did back in her prime. It might have been a contraindication. But what was definitely a contraindication would have been visits to the blubber butcher. And Dr. Oleg Davie, who did the surgery, should have known that. And (I’m about to say something that’ll sit as well as a patient post rump reduction):

She should have known better too.

But I’m not playing down his part in this mess. For someone who shapes asses for a living, he did a shit job of covering his own. He knew she had a heart transplant and did the surgery anyway. Then he tried to erase the files from reality (to make it look like he hadn’t known when he did it). Cherry on top? He was on probation at the time of her surgery – for “professional misconduct”.

Just how many layers of omfg does this dude have?

One more: the sentence that he got.

Fuck uppery like this is normally awarded with a 15 year vacation in the clink. (If, ya know, you’re not a Barbie butcher by trade with Robert Shapiro on speed dial)

Homeboy landed a whopping two months – with five months probation.

(If you see this guy…

…make like this guy):


All jokes aside, it’s tragic. She was fifty something and still lovely but trying to maintain the youth illusion her industry had taught her reigns supreme as a life priority. She just might have stuck with Dr. Oz. – since you get what you pay for. And when it comes to playing Jenga with your jiggle bits, you want someone who takes pride in their practice.

‘cause if their heart’s not in it, they’re sure as shit not gonna care about yours.