A brief explanache on where you can shove your updates up and into.

So, a couple months ago, I reluctantly updated my iphone. I hadn’t done it for a while, so it went from version 1-point-have-you-heard-of-this-new-thing-called-the-wheel to the latest: iOS-can-I-have-the-old-one-back-immediately-please. I was momentarily relieved (as I indicated in a blog entry) because the rewards were many. And money. Literally – ‘cause I’d only done it so I could use a new and improved app that’d replace the abomination called Paypal. This was a.. Read More

Teacher out on bail for student-screwing, screws student.

Ever fantasized about your teacher as a kid? I sure as shiz did. I remember Mr. Russell (sounds like a convenient, unimaginative, fantastical construction given my love of Russell Brand, but – yes – he was real). He taught track and my English class and had an ass that belonged in pants far better fitting than the travesty of trousers he actually wore. He was tall and muscular with ken.. Read More

I won’t be happy till I have a Task Manager implant.

I wish I had a mental task manager. Obviously one that nixes people and events would be optimal…but I fancy myself a realist. So, I’ll settle for a behavior-modifying brain app. (A mockup of .0001% of mine. A legit scroll bar’d be naught but a horizontal sliver. What would yours say?) Yeah. One like this image. Just something that just changes me – my perceptions – without me having to,.. Read More

Musings on future-trippings

Some days, hippie guru advice is just annoying. I can’t be bothered with it. But on others – when Chandler’s couch is a metaphor for getting crushed by consciousness – I’m magically more open. Such was what I encountered today when I clicked on this Youtube video some yoga chick had made about “releasing fear”. Her point (painted in what some might call fairly esoteric language) was that when we’re.. Read More

6 things you won’t hear me say.

“Said no person ever.” It’s a popular funny-’cause-it’s-true phrase. Everything from “I love Mondays” to “That was a really good Kardashian episode and I learned a lot” can fit above that four worded phrase we love to employ. However, being the narcissist that I am, I just had to whittle it down to pertain to me specifically recently. And, as I share six of my own with you, maybe I’ll.. Read More

Best way to battle Christmas = laying down weapons.

Christmas at my house has generally meant putting the “fun” in “dysfunctional”. Yes, a bit cliche – but only if you’re being sarcastic. And a few holidays ago, I might have told you that’s exactly what I meant as well. But we’ve been doing pretty well the past couple of years. Oh, we’re still dysfunctional – but it really has been kinda fun – and with less yelling. I’m not.. Read More

Earth’s just a giant Truman Show. Let’s leave.

So, my buddy Richard used to tell me how he had those fleeting moments where he’d start to wonder “what if I’m in my own Truman show? And everyone’s watching me?” He’d usually get the feeling when something strange would happen here in reality. Neo: “There’s a glitch in the Matrix!!!!1” Tech Support: “I see. Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Like, if it’d be raining as.. Read More