Unless you’re in first class, business, or were born with wings – flying sucks. Even if you try to forget the obstacle course that is everything between check in and TSA to reaching your terminal and then wading through human carry-on luggage racks lining a smelly, crowded aisle of too-close seats, you still have to endure the actual flight. It’s cramped. The air’s recycled. The food has poop bugs in.. Read More
Fly the fappy skies! Guy tries to ejac. and eject from plane. ’cause – why not?
Or just twice-over-suicidal if you’re like this one masturbatory maniac. Mr. Doug Adams, a randy patron of the friendly skies, found that the altitude wasn’t the only thing rising up during his cloudy trek from Boston to L.A. So, he did what you might imagine any man heading to the city of angels while donning a hospital bracelet might do: go for a little lower auto-release. In mid air. In.. Read More
Plane passenger shaming shows you the faces of (recycled) oxygen thieves
“You don’t know what that’s touched! So you shouldn’t touch it!” This on-airplane advice I get from my dad all the time can now officially be met with: “You’re wrong. And you’re 100% right. Respectively.” Because now, thanks to a beautiful new trend called “passenger shaming”, I know exactly what my tray tables, seats, and headrests have touched. And it makes me wish I could fly while I fly –.. Read More
Pilot lands plane sans an arm? #likeaboss
Fake arms and legs are a great thing for people who’ve, ya know, lost their real ones. But what happens when the replacements fall off as you’re running complicated gadgets? Lately this seems to be a problem for people with prostheses on planes. I remember that one story about the drunk lady who took off her own stem sub and started wielding it at plane staff and passengers like a.. Read More
Fly the fecal skies!
“…and remember YOU’LL BE FLYING IN A SHIT MISSILE!” My dad always closes his unwelcome pre-flight “itinerary emails” with some version of this phrase. And while it’s true, it’s just one of those things where you’ve heard it so many times from the same person that it simply loses its meaning. Thus, you finally disregard the advice altogether because the person firing it at you in all caps is annoying.. Read More