Well, it’s a good thing there’s still a week left till ‘bucks starts adding coconut milk to my addiction list.


‘cause it gave me a chance to read an update on how… it’s not true coconut milk.

Here’s the ingredient list:

Now, if you can’t read that, the ingredients include water, coconut cream, cane sugar, tricalcium phosphate, coconut water concentrate, natural flavors, sea salt, carrageenan, gellan gum, corn dextrin, xanthan gum, guar gum, vitamin A palmitate, and vitamin d2. And if you can read that but can’t understand what the problem is because you don’t have any context (AKA dunno what’s in f’real coconut milk), then allow me to assist you further.

The only items in f’real coconut milk are… (wait for it)…

Coconut milk. And water.

Right. Well. Just ‘cause I can’t pronounce half’a these doesn’t make ‘em bad, right?


Here’s what does make them bad, according to a Google search I just did:

Let’s start with a simple wiki check on xantham gum. It’s is a polysaccharide (sugar) secreted by (shitted out by) the bacterium Xanthomonas campestris (which live on corn or soy, both probably made in a Frankensteinian Monstanto dungeon lab). They’re the stuff that causes the rot of forgotten fridge broccoli you find a month too late only ’cause the smell of it decomposing nasally rapes you every time you open the door.

(I’ll pass on the germ turds as well, thx.)

And next is Carrageenan: used to thicken up “natural” foods and devoid of any nutritional value. But the fun doesn’t end with it being a useless viscous sludge. As an article in “Prevention” puts it:

“Although derived from a natural source, carrageenan appears to be particularly destructive to the digestive system, triggering an immune response similar to that your body has when invaded by pathogens like Salmonella. The result: “Carrageenan predictably causes inflammation, which can lead to ulcerations and bleeding,” explains veteran carrageenan researcher Joanne Tobacman, MD, associate professor of clinical medicine at the University of Illinois School of Medicine at Chicago.”

So your body acts like it’s being assaulted and responds in ulcers and bleeding.


Then there’s guar gum – also a thickening agent – but this one’s associated with higher risk for colon cancer and erratic glucose levels. For example, do you know anyone with diabetes? Any of ‘em have to take metformin to regulate their blood sugar? According to Livestrong.com, “large amounts of guar gum may prevent metformin, a glucose-controlling drug, from being absorbed in the intestines. If you are diabetic and require metformin to properly regulate your glucose levels, you may experience severe fluctuations in your sugar levels, which has several serious implications.”

Ya know, I’m not too lazy to keep on researching the other crap on that list. But I am emotionally exhausted.

And I’m also clearly in denial – because I’m still drinking soy every damned time I go there.

Whose Google search would probably yield far, far worse results.