Kat Von D (who admittedly knows her way around an eyeshadow palette) is in the shit today.
Cuzza some name she gave one of her lipsticks: “Underage Red”.
I mean, here she has this killer collection with the likes of a lip pigment called “Lolita” in it, and she settles for “Underage Red”? Actually, I suppose that my problem isn’t that she called it that – so much as she stopped there. I feel like there needs to be a whole collection of similar-themed pucker paint names- ranging from the pink to purple end of the spectrum. And that she needs to enlist me to help her label them. No, f’real Kat, here me out.
I’ve got, like, 9 – just off the top’a my head:
1.) Jailbait Magenta
2.) Mary Kay LaTreacle
3.) Juvenile Ruby
4.) Middleschool Mulberrybush
5.) Prepubescent Plum
6.) Adolescent Apple
7.) Eighth Grade Grape (say it five times fast)
8.) Freshman Merlot
(and everyone’s fave…)
9.) Statutory Rose
Honestly, I really hope she does something like this – just as a money-making middle finger to everyone.
And I actually won’t be surprised if homegirl does. Because, while she didn’t apologize (and rightly so) for the cosmetic moniker, she did offer an explanache as to why everyone needs to calm the fluff down and apply some Vagisil to their inflamed clams (that’d actually be another great line of makeup names – a litany of venereal names paired with wholesome hues – could be called the VD Kat collection). And the backstory (assuming she’s being honest and the press release wasn’t just the magical work of a publicist doing quasi meet-the-pubic-halfway damage control magic) was this: when Kat herself was underage, like most of us, she was experimenting with makeup to look older, sexier, more like Gwen Stefani… Oh wait, no. That last one’s just me. In any case, she recalls rocking the rouge like a trampy champ (‘least that’s what her parents and mine alike would’ve thought) at 16 and still not being allowed into a concert because she was (say it with me now…) underage. And voila, a shunned teen’s angst would eventually bloom just like her fantastic physique into just one of the many little petals of her career portfolio lotus.
So, Kat D, just remember what Katt Dub says:
If you’ve got 14 haters, you need to figure out how to get to 16 before summer arrives.
Which isn’t far from now. So have your people call my people.
Let’s talk saucy chromatic cosmetic lines.