Yeah, I do service work, sometimes.

But my motives are totes selfish. Typically, I use volunteering as a way to get out of my own self-conjured sorrow cycle. Seeing other people and listening to their problems helps me A.) feel less alone about feeling shitty. B.) use it as some horrible internal measuring stick to remind myself how good I have it. C.) Possibly come away with someone liking me (#narcissist). Oh, and D.) if you’re doing something new, you get to post it to Instagram as part of your #30daysofnewthings challenge.

See? My ego dips its dirty fingers in everything.

But, I tend to think none of us public servers – on some small level – aren’t doing it for a similar reason.

(I’ll let my double negative marinate for a moment there.)

I mean, as I came back from Red Cross to visit with my dad the other day, I mentioned “I might actually volunteer with them – beyond blood giving”. And, without skipping a beat, he replied – “Don’t forget to put it on LinkedIn.” For a moment I felt kinda snide and told him, “There’s more to it than just putting it on a resume, ya know.” (Like my own self serving reasons were so much better than his own get-ahead end game mentality.) Still, I suppose we could say that regardless of what our motives or endgames are when we volunteer, we help folk. Right? Someone somewhere benefits from you helping out and giving your time. And that’s what it’s all about.

SO THEN WHY THE FCCK THEY MAKE IT SO HARD?

Back when I tried to volunteer at the retirement home, you wanna know what they wanted from me? A fully filled out application, an updated TB test, and (wait for it), twenty bucks from me for a criminal background check. Do my check, I don’t care! You can anally probe me if it pleases you. But don’t effing charge me for it! Just like all the digital hoops they have you jump through with those beleaguering online forms on volunteer.com (I think that’s what it’s called). Then, Saturday, when I went to donate blood – their volunteer hadn’t shown up. And they really needed one, too, because I wasn’t the only one who walked in and didn’t see the low lying sign in table where an attendant should’a been. In fact, when I showed up, they asked if I was the volunteer (guess they aren’t used to people introducing themselves and saying hi). Jokingly, they talked about me doing it anyway. To their surprise, I actually offered. And you know what they said? That they wished I could, but I have to go through training.

Training.

To sit there.

And say “sign your name and read this book and go to the trailer hidden behind the store.”

(But wait! There’s more!) When I finally got the Red Cross brochure yesterday and asked the nurse about the training process, she said something about having to go to Baltimore for it or something. Are we effing joking here? It’s no wonder more people aren’t willing to give their time. I get that everything we do in life – including volunteer work – is generally motivated by at least a modicum of self interest. I’m the rule – not exception. But that’s part of the human connective experience – an ebb and flow of empathy and survival instincts. Nothing’s 100% altruistic. And living in a selfish society doesn’t help counter the me-me-me tendencies. So why not make it easier for people who are even slightly drawn toward serving the greater good before that inclination evaporates altogether? Instead of making it harder? Even Regina, the nurse who took my life fuel yesterday, said how each year she felt like there were more rules and more inquiries. For safety precautions (all the questions I had to answer), I get it. It’s blood. But for everything else – the obstacles of doing your profile online instead of talking in person; having to sit through a class to direct folk to a trailer – it just makes people not wanna help at all. Too much trouble. I can’t vouch for everyone else, but I personally do this shit to be around people and remember what kindofa jigsaw piece I am with respect to the rest of the puzzle that is this world. Not to sit around filling out forms like some formative school exam. And not to put it on LinkedIn.

(Although it will look really good on my profile…)

Just sayin’.