I love a good quote.
‘specially one dubbed “PHUCKYOQUOTE”:
(Eff your quote? Or Eff YOU? Misspelled?)
Either way, I found this little line of thought to be particularly interesting today. Espesh with respect to that one line on “forgiveness”. Mostly ‘cause I myself have been trying to strike a balance lately between not being an asshole while also authentically expressing my genuine feelings and respecting my own needs. And how’m I doing? Well, I’m pretty sure that “balance” scale’s friggin rigged worse than a carnie game. ‘cause it’s exhausting trying to decide whether to be magnanimous, a mofo, or a doormat. In the end, internally, it feels like all three mix into a schizo split personality while I fake serenity on the surface. What is this impossible puzzle? How do I arrange the pieces into a coherent finished product so I can survive sans attack thoughts Jenga snatching bits from below at random? So I can live tranquilly? Carry on unburdened, undistracted, and without resentfully ruminating so much that I start doing dumb shit like waiting for stop signs to turn green ’cause I’m plotting out what cheeky, snide Hollywood line I’m gonna deliver if you say that one predictable thing I know you’re gonna say? Stupid.
That’s when I remembered something about what it means to forgive.
With respect to this ‘gram quote, I like the idea of self-respect. I do. But I suppose a good yes-and to this’s that forgiveness doesn’t need to be eliminated. Quite the opposite, in fact. See, if you resent someone, they’re still a tenant in your brain building, causing a ruckus and setting shiz on fire. And that means, in a way, you’re still letting them hurt you. Let me reiterate that. They (the actual person) are gone. But you are the one still letting them (the idea of them) hurt you. What’s the point of that? Does that make you feel any better than when they were hanging around and doing it IRL? Contrarily, the nice thing about forgiveness is that you do it for you – not them – which means they never need to know when or even that it happened. (And if you’re a next-level enlightened, you can mine out enough compassion to understand why they might be hurting you in the first place, how they themselves have been hurt, and that might make the whole forgiveness thing easier ‘cause mayhaps you know what it’s like to be hurt, react, and take it out on other people since nunna us are perfect.)
But zero point zero of forgiveness means being a doormat. You can have cut someone off like gangrene and still forgive them. Just depends on whether that cut-off is coming from a place of self-love (this dynamic’s giving me forehead wrinkles! Time to GTFO! Peace, homie ‘n well wishes!) or resentment against other (I’m done with you! I’m going to need Botox because of you! *ties voodoo doll to bottom of car tire*). But, after that, there’s no need for any action to be on the other side of forgiveness.
Well, except patience. ‘Cause that stuff does take time.
(But I wouldn’t spend it waiting for compassion/forgiveness infographics on an account dubbed PHUCKYO[U])