Wanna get drunk and grope women?
No problem! Just put on a blue outfit, some latex gloves, and head to the airport.
Like this one dude who posed as a TSA agent to digitally diddle hot check-in chicks.
(“…and yes TSA does stand for “Tickle Some Ass”)
In an HTF (is HTF acceptable as a modification of WTF for “how the fckk”?) story that recently took place, a dude did exactly that. And I’m not sure what’s stupider – the fact that no one noticed the inebriated imposter wandering around near check-in or the fact that the women were too stupid to realize he wasn’t the real deal. To be fair, when you put on them gloves, it can be positively transformative. (I mean, come on, they have the power to turn pussies wearing shower caps and blue nightgowns into knife wielding god doctors of the OR.) I also get that if someone’s sociopathic enough, they can be pretty convincing.
Even so… did none of these bishes ever meet a drunk person?
Didn’t they realize he was three sheets to the tail wind? #badairporthumor
But the most key element to this story that still has me bewildered raises this question: HITF (yes, we’re already modifying my new acro for “How in the fck” purposes now) did Pervasaurus Rex manage to gain access to a private room? In a high-security airport where we overpay for TSA to protect us (not just ruin my morning, remove my shoes, and waste precious time I could be spending at the smoothie stand in my terminal), WTF are they doing if not monitoring?
Are those even security cameras?
’cause this dude managed to rent a molester suite for free, pulled some womenfolk aside, and ushered them to his private fondle office. You know, I wondered why these women didn’t wait at the scene, but I’m going with one of three options on this one:
First thought: They didn’t speak English or were minorities understandably too terrified of authority to wait for the cops to arrive and antagonize them further. I get that. Cops came next door last week for a mere “noise disturbance” and rolled in six deep, two per two cars in the parking lot, and brought a fcking german shepherd too.
Second thought: They felt so stupid about being fooled that a “let’s forget this ever happened” trumped sticking around to relive details on the record of a totally-preventable-for-non-morons-assault.
And third: The TSA faker was actually pretty good at profiling, found drugs on them, and “let them go with a warning”…
…right before enjoying an afternoon of free drugs and finger stank.
Yeah. That one. That’s definitely it.