Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Cuz I split hot fire! (Dude saves stranger from flaming car)

Posted on July 2, 2014

Those stories about moms lifting cars off kids get referenced all the time. You’ll hear them especially when people want to support a mind-over-matter argument. But in these mother truck lifters, there’s a genetic urge backing it, right? I mean, I always thought it was like our brain jumps in, all, “That’s mine! I made that creature meant to carry on my legacy via the little blueprint helixes I made.. Read More

Performance artist Narcissister’s nipple display

Posted on July 2, 2014

Did you know in New York you can bare your nipples? In public? Even if you have a vagina? Well, I mean, you can’t show the vagina part – only the nipples. Still, it’s kinda cool. So a performance artist is taking advantage of exactly that by going all out with her girls out. Dubbed the “topless superhero”, she’s been appearing in random photos in The Big Apple with her.. Read More

The Science of the Fans – why we go psycho for celebs

Posted on July 2, 2014

When I was little, I remember my mom telling me about the Elvis Presley concerts. Yep. Sheldon pretty much has the cliffs notes version down. Chicks would faint, scream, and throw panties at the stage, she told me. I didn’t get this. But I figured that it was one of those things that I’d understand when I grew up – especially since I was starting to see the same ish.. Read More

Fat tax for massholes

Posted on July 1, 2014

So, the government’s taxing soda to battle obesity. So they say. Last week, a family member and I were riding around town together and I listened to him describe the circumference of a corpulent woman’s thigh he’d seen in a meeting – eating a donut. The disgust with which he detailed this human creature was almost palpable. I may never have been overweight myself, but I’m no stranger to the.. Read More

Wait to propagate?

Posted on June 30, 2014

Science says: Wait till late to morph into a micro human factory, and you’ll live forever. Kind of. A recent study shows that even just waiting to have your last kid until later on could do the trick too. In a study of 551 different families, most of the women who lived to the super old age of 95 had their last child after the age Jesus died. Those who.. Read More

“Get OUT mah face!” (approach avoidance)

Posted on June 30, 2014

Remember those horror movies we’d watch as a kid? Jason or Freddy or even some Lifetime villainous shadowy stranger would seem to coolly traipse behind the protagonist victim – at nonchalant stalking speed – yet when the bish looks back, he’s somehow defied physics and closing in on her? When the Scary Movie series started poking fun at this tactic, it made me wonder why it was ever implemented into.. Read More

The tortoise and the airhead

Posted on June 29, 2014

The other day, I saw a lady stationary jogging – in the middle of the street. Yeah! Just like that – except she was 200 with kyphotic posture and varicose veins. Perplexed, I halted my own jog – safely off to the side of the road – and watched as she flagged down passing cars, one by one, narrowly missing being hit each time. They’d nod, issue a quizzical look,.. Read More

What’ll really happen on Z-day

Posted on June 28, 2014

A couple times now, I’ve heard the government’s got a Z-day plan. For those who slept through Zombie 101, Z-day is that inevitable hour when the clock strikes apocalypse o’clock and the undead begin trolling the streets for living snacks on legs. And while there was indeed a plan for this at the Pentagon, it was actually just a training exercise using an outlandish example. However, it is surmised that.. Read More

Cooper-ape-ing for a common goal

Posted on June 27, 2014

Is acting catty and cliquey a vestigial monkey-mind thing? We’ve (“We” as a unified people who share data. Not me, personally) looked at chimps before to see how well they cooperate when working toward a common goal. Sometimes they were kinda douchey about it (can you blame them, when they’re stuck in captivity?) but now an Emory study took it a step further. By replicating a setup that was a.. Read More