I love seeing “Louie” (Louis C.K.’s show) make news. And when it did yesterday, it was about a “Seven Minute Fat Girl Rant”. Delivered by guest actress Sarah Baker, the show stealing scene featured her character Vanessa appointing Louie to represent all men. She chastises him for not acknowledging her fatness and asks why a guy like him wouldn’t date a fat girl like her when they “totally match”. Oy.. Read More
And now for a news story that settles like an emotional speedball So, some broke college kids found a magical couch filled with money (ahhh!) 🙂 And… …gave it back to the owner. (Uuughh…) 🙁 I know I was supposed to feel heart warmed. But I didn’t. Not right away. And although I’d like to say “Oh, yeah, I’d definitely do the same – no question”, there’s no telling how.. Read More
Apparently Columbia is doing a shitty job of rape prevention. The stats are something like one one out of five femmes getting poon wounded unwillingly – but only thirteen percent report it. Why? Probably because it’s an Ivy League school with Ivy League members of the good old boys club. So that sucks for victims seeing no rape repercussions. But what now sucks for the assailants (#sorrynotsorry) is that the.. Read More
Why the perpetual excitement about what the sky’s doing? I don’t mean you or me. I mean the guy on a green screen who lives in my light box. Today’s haphazardly delivered report was almost exactly this: “Today’s going to be.. well… I mean compared to tomorrow, it’s gonna be much… Actually… (insert all too familiar sigh of someone giving up on life)… it’s …It’s pretty bad right now.” (camera.. Read More
In commemoration of my 300 post mark… (waits for applause to abate) …this post’s about productivity. And as someone who took 300 years to figure out how to post more than one thing a day, I’m obviously a quality locution gladiator capable of offering others self help. And (*takes crown and flowers in hand*) I thank my betters who motivated me by showing me magical writing tools and tricks… So,.. Read More
Great news, you animal lovers! You know the hopes and dreams you had of running your own cartel across the border by the time your were 25? Well, just because you’re not blowing through bills like a behind-the-scenes billionaire in a villa, doesn’t mean you can’t live like them! Or at least pretend you do! Step 1: Ball like a mah-fugga. Step 2: Wed like a Christian: (where are they.. Read More
I’ll do better tomorrow. This is a lie I love telling myself when it comes to forking out funds. I don’t even know if I mean it when I’m saying it, or if I’m just trying to enjoy those few fleeting gleeful moments spent tossing my credit card at the Nordstrom cashier like she’s covered in glitter and her name’s Champagne. Mistake indeed. ’cause a few moment’s high is exactly.. Read More
Well, I murdered again. Sigh. “Shrugs. Shouldn’t’a worn my bad-luck gardening gloves.” Seriously. Since I can’t keep anything that can’t bark alive, it’s a good thing I haven’t started my vegetable garden yet. ‘cause I STILL can’t manage to keep an effing house plant. Thus far, I think my best record’s probably been a week. And by a week, I mean a day and a half. Poor bastards. My mom.. Read More
Excited about imminent vacation? Well, don’t marvel at that vast azure sea in too much wonder. ’cause Kurt Cobain was right. Mother nature is a whore – a whore of the shores. Like the aqueous lovechild of some Odysseyean whirlpool and a fortune cookie, the ocean’s been vomiting a plethora of treasures onto sparkly sands willy nilly – ranging from legos to leg-bottoms. (“…and that’s how ginger fish really got.. Read More
So, the MIT guys have made a universe they can try “turning off and on again” This new supercomputer they’ve conjured up is making the concept of the Matrix seem totally possible, as it’s replicated pretty much the whole universe. From electrons to elliptical galaxies, they’ve thought of it all. The program, called “Illustris” (which only a universe replicator could be so simultaneously arrogant and deserving to call itself) serves.. Read More