Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Let’s take a moment to thank god for this IG account.

Posted on February 16, 2015

Let’s all take a moment to thank God for the Instagram account that brought us this: *Sigh* Finally. A photo account called “Hot Dudes Reading” is a thing. It’s like a digital nerdy version of Playgirl (Is PlayGeek a thing yet? Can we make it one?) They’re not reading from some electronic steno pad device, mind you. They’re reading real, page-flippable books. And the more I look at these images,.. Read More

And now for a trifecta of feelz-porn.

Posted on February 16, 2015

I’m not usually big on the emotional pornography – unless it does some good. And I feel like my Facebook feed is doing a good job of posting the kind that has a purpose this week. (Well done, e’rybody.) Maybe it’s that Valentine’s day just happened and everyone’s still in a lovey dovey mood. Or maybe it’s that Friday the 13th just happened before that and when we’re all terrified.. Read More

Openminded Mo.

Posted on February 16, 2015

Fccking finally. I finally got Mohammad to speak. Not, like, the Islamic prophet. I mean the dude who mans the checkout stand in the grocery store. As a restless, annoying creature, I’m the sort who’ll get bored and start mentally and physically fidgeting if I’m among others but not talking to them for too long. This is probably why I’ve never quite acclimated to yoga class. Or any class in.. Read More

“Let’s do lunch.”

Posted on February 14, 2015

“Let’s do lunch….” Lunch. Dinner. Brunch. I’ve got a love-hate relationship with the lot of them since I quit drinking and did a diet makeover. Let’s start with the good, though. When I used to enjoy going out to eat, it was because I knew I could order a tall glass of conscious-changer and let the poison do the communicating for me as it coursed through my veins. Under my.. Read More

Racist lawmaker wants to put yoga pants in corpse pose. Forever.

Posted on February 14, 2015

So, a Montana legislator wants to ban “indecent clothing”. In this sarcastically quoted genre is included yoga pants, speedos and anything that shows outlines of your body bits. Specifically, Rep. David Moore proposed a bill to make illegal any “indecent exposure of a person’s private parts or simulated private parts [lolwut?] in a public place in such a way that a reasonable person would be offended or alarmed.” The penalty?.. Read More

What really happened in “The Guest”…

Posted on February 14, 2015

Ever watch a good film… but it leaves you feeling like you, I dunno, missed something? That’s how I felt after I finished watching “The Guest” a week or two ago. It was a brilliant thriller – especially for one of those movies that didn’t seem to be highly promoted. The the lead actor, Dan Stevens, plays his role of psychopathic secret-soldier-government-experiment-gone-wrong almost too well and the overall ambient mood.. Read More

Who am I to judge Pope Francis for judging me?

Posted on February 14, 2015

You know, it’s easy for me to get upset when I hear an opinion that doesn’t mesh with my own. And I think that feeling’s always a little bit amplified when a clashing opinion comes from someone for whom I’ve grown an affinity. Like the pope. Ya know – the cool pope. Pope Francis – the one who sweetly interrupts a large, public, recorded event to acknowledge a kid who’s.. Read More

6 things single Valentine-less you can do today

Posted on February 14, 2015

I celebrated Valentine’s Day once. It was with a boyfriend. But, really, we were just rainchecking on a “date” from another weekend. And we didn’t exchange gifts. It was kindofa fluke. Because 2-14-AnyYear is just of those holidays that’s like a magnified version of Facebook’s “someone got hitched/is in a relache/here’s their wedding album/here’s a mini babbling extension of their ego in flesh form” notifications. Except it’s all condensed down.. Read More

Yes, being sexist can be funny – if you are.

Posted on February 12, 2015

“As a woman, I endorse this,” I told my newest massage therapist. He was, of course, in the middle of describing to me the “hot versus crazy” x/y axes chart used to identify dateable women as he unleashed the week’s tension from my suboccipital lobe. I hadn’t heard of this one yet, so I made a point to come home and promptly look it up on Youtube after our session.. Read More

Woof wardrobe isn’t 100% stupid (say experts). But close (says me.)

Posted on February 12, 2015

When I was little, my mom would make me wear the most mortifying ensembles. Baubles. Clown suits. Ribbons with streamers. Dresses with shoulders that looked like cheerleader pompoms and felt like the pads the players they were cheering for wore. Mushroom hair cuts and thick awkward bangs. Tights and long sweatshirts. Poor fitting warm up suits that felt silly because I’d not yet myself been indoctrinated into the sports I.. Read More