Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Could victim and voyeur landlord both get in trouble here?

Posted on January 18, 2015

Ever heard that phrase “watch the clock” before? It’s helpful, isn’t it? To keep self-tabs on what you’re doing and for how long. But what about when the clock’s watching you? What about when the clock (and the person who implanted a hidden camera into it to fap to you and your girlfriend later) are keeping tabs on you? A recent news story grabbed my interest today with that premise.. Read More

Ruined via review: The country music mashup revisited.

Posted on January 18, 2015

Any time I find anything I enjoy, I have to ruin it for myself. Some call this a “self sabotage” tendency.That might be right. But I prefer to see it as the radioactively glowing trophy you’re awarded for making your career a creative one. Part of having to do anything creative is being willing to pick shit apart. The unfortunate side effect is that – when you do this for.. Read More

Is the answer to the meaning of life what Neil says? Or “42”?

Posted on January 18, 2015

Remember “Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy?” Which told us that the answer to the meaning of life is: “42”? 42? How ridiculous. How incomplete. How could that ever be the answer to something so vast and incomprehensible?! It’s as vague an answer as most religions or your parents will give you when you’re little – with their “well’s” and “ya know’s” and mumbling soft-languaged replies. Which made Neil DeGrasse’s recent.. Read More

Road rage level: from Louis to screw-loose.

Posted on January 18, 2015

Louis C.K.’s “Oh My God” performance probably belongs on my top favorite standup tours. But, for some reason, this bit is the one that’s stuck out the most: The irony is that when I’m not destined to sit in traffic or rocketing across a highway homicidally (I’m not a good driver when I need to be somewhere – I’m nervous, never leave on time, always speed, and have unyielding road.. Read More

Fashion, turn to the daft: Both’a these peeps need to get over themselves.

Posted on January 18, 2015

“The sun is but a morning star.” I like this Walden quote. Even though it’s a bit anthropocentric (the sun is there all the time and morning is just an experience we share here on rock ball number three from it depending on our positional relationship to it), it’s also cosmologically holistic: it’s just a star. One of many. Our life giving cosmic blob of gases, inconceivable heat, and fire.. Read More

Lessons we can learn from the Marlboro Man’s death.

Posted on January 17, 2015

Wait. O.G. Marlboro man only just now died? Just…now? He was like, 85. I’d say that span of living is nice ‘n long for compromised lungs that had a daily cascade of chemical toxins assaulting them. The cowboy rancher got hired to be the face of filtered cigarettes back in the day because – let’s face it – filters are for pussies. Thus, they needed a Sam Elliot sort to.. Read More

What happens when 9 year old bubblegum thieves miss court?

Posted on January 17, 2015

A warrant for your arrest? When you’re nine? It sounds pretty bad ass. And it probably would be if the kid in question had knocked over a liquor store or kidnapped your mom, got her addicted to heroin, and made her work in his brothel in the hidden dungeon under La Lavandaria downtown. But just like the clothes in that hypothetical laundromat, this Idaho kid’s story’s too clean to be.. Read More

A brief explanache on where you can shove your updates up and into.

Posted on January 17, 2015

So, a couple months ago, I reluctantly updated my iphone. I hadn’t done it for a while, so it went from version 1-point-have-you-heard-of-this-new-thing-called-the-wheel to the latest: iOS-can-I-have-the-old-one-back-immediately-please. I was momentarily relieved (as I indicated in a blog entry) because the rewards were many. And money. Literally – ‘cause I’d only done it so I could use a new and improved app that’d replace the abomination called Paypal. This was a.. Read More

Are you even reading the shiz you share online?

Posted on January 17, 2015

In between the feel-good crap I like to post, I also keep on local current events. Especially when it’s a kidnapping that’s happened in my childhood neighborhood. Actually, there wasn’t a kidnapping – it was a mistaken event some kindly neighbor witnessed including a dude shoving a girl into a car. I didn’t learn anything about it until after it’d been clarified this was a visual misunderstanding from the observing.. Read More

Teacher out on bail for student-screwing, screws student.

Posted on January 17, 2015

Ever fantasized about your teacher as a kid? I sure as shiz did. I remember Mr. Russell (sounds like a convenient, unimaginative, fantastical construction given my love of Russell Brand, but – yes – he was real). He taught track and my English class and had an ass that belonged in pants far better fitting than the travesty of trousers he actually wore. He was tall and muscular with ken.. Read More