Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Self-forgiving: cure for procrastination? Or a procrastinate-y cure?

Posted on December 21, 2014

Am I watching science news here? Or an episode of Soul Pancake? Recent research is claiming that when it comes to tasks like test preparation or deadline meeting, we may not be able to salvage that “too late” point between something like a professor’s announcement and exam – but what we can do is improve our chances of not setting a screw-yourself-over precedence for the future by eschewing self-flagellation. And.. Read More

Dr. Oz is not the cause of your probs

Posted on December 21, 2014

“We’re off to buy prescriptions! Prescriptions from T.V. doc Oz! Because because because because… E-ver-y-body else does!” (Ya know, instead of that suggestible marionette meatwad ya got in there?) I may sound like I’m slamming Dr. Oz here, but I’m actually about to do the opposite. Seriously, did he refuse to join the illuminati or something? ‘cause homeboy’s been under some serious fire of late with all these stories popping.. Read More

Science says: we exhale our fat. Wait… what?

Posted on December 20, 2014

When Russell Simmons went to his first yoga class, it wasn’t to get some inner peace. It was to get some outer piece. While that changed drastically for him since that first visit, I think that’s what attracts a lot of people – men and women alike. Men wanna ogle dat ass. Chicks wanna own it. But – as many times as I’ve heard these transformation stories and people have.. Read More

Kim Jong Un’s the Grinch who stole Christmas – starting Franco’s film.

Posted on December 20, 2014

So, Kim Jong Un has officially ruined my Christmas. “The Interview”, which was about to be released on Christmas Day has been scrapped (along with some other Steve Carrell film that no one cares about as much). And my heart is broken. There aren’t many movies I look forward to seeing, but this was one of ‘em. All because of a little boy in an emperor’s clothing who can’t take.. Read More

To free – or knot to free?

Posted on December 20, 2014

Screw black holes and the holographic universe theory. No one cares. What I really require is a detailed, scientific explanation for: Why I have to spend my days trying to free up knots and kinks. (Knot what I meant…) Finally, the beautiful minds of the world unraveled mine by explaining why knot-unraveling is so not easy. You know what I mean – there are the Christmas lights (an obvious one)… Read More

Residential revenge

Posted on December 19, 2014

Are all apartment complexes this bad? Or have I just gotten chronically un-lucky the past five years with loud upstairs neighbors? And random fees? You may be right, my friend. But not before a rant. Starting with the neighbors above: The last lot had a buncha kids rolling in every afternoon like a herd of ADHD elephants being chased by cheetahs. They remained there for a good time, smoking weed.. Read More

Popdates for your moribund souls.

Posted on December 19, 2014

I hesitate to use “celebrity” and “news” in the same sentence. But as my social media feeds slowly become inundated with stories and snapshots of things I never asked to see in the first place, I can’t help but feel bewildered about a few things that make the entirety of reality feel like it’s unraveling. Thus, I’m sharing a few pop-dates with you this week. (pop updates). It’s like pop.. Read More

Buylimia is the new bulimia.

Posted on December 19, 2014

Sometimes, when I start to get bored of my privileged life, I generate first world problems. “I’m too comfortable to get up and pee…Ugh.” “I don’t wanna shower ’cause I’ll be cold for two seconds before I can towel off. Ugh.” “I have to press a button on the wall to cool down in summer…Ughhhh.” “My parents care about me too much… YES, I got here safely. UGH.” “I wasted.. Read More

“I carry your DNA. I carry it in my DNA…”

Posted on December 19, 2014

Okay, I like the whole “awakened consciousness” stuff as much as the next person. But I gotta draw the line somewhere. That’s why when I saw this video of some dude who sounded like he was living in a mountaintop trailer, broadcasting daily about the grey astral immigrants who abduct him on a semi-regular basis, my eyebrows did an involuntary raise. I try not to judge. Some people have just.. Read More

Are you a birdbrain? Yes, but only if you speak a language.

Posted on December 19, 2014

“We should turn it into KFC,” my dad said, gazing disdainfully at the family lovebird. To be fair, he was joking (I think) and said love bird is a rage infused mentally ill pet my sister purchased for my mother several Christmases ago. I think she did it with the same good faith a trailer park chick does when she starts dating an abusive alcoholic who’s good in bed (“I.. Read More