What if I told you god was a magnet? That’s right. Magnets may do more than inspire doggy doody-direction. For those of you who see toilet time as a religious experience anyway, this logic may all fall together quite nicely. For those of you still furrowing your forehead, lemme ‘splain. Reports have come from people in the past before they died that they saw their clone (or “doppelganger”) – like.. Read More
Anyone else’s dog do this? No, I’m not referring to the canine constitutional itself. Rather, the relentless spinning is what I mean. My dog does this without fail, every time we take to the trail. It’s time consuming enough to get this bitch to finally find a favorable locale for fecal relinquishment. But even after my dog detects the best dumping ground, she’s still not done making me wait. Phase.. Read More
Does happiness lead to success? Vice versa? This thing I was watching (Fine. It was SoulPancake again. Get off me) asked a bunch of randoms to come in for an experiment. The first part was to offer half the subjects snacks and the others nada. The second involved giving them a puzzle to solve requiring critical thinking. *Okay, before we go any further, let’s see what you’d do: 1. You’re.. Read More
Yesterday, as I was trying in vain to manifest a literary masterpiece, a pterodactyl flew by. Actually, it was an eagle. But the eagle was carrying a snake. So that’s cool. Mofo was so massive in wingspan that it blocked out the sun. For a second, I was sure we were having a solar eclipse. It was a pretty amazing sight – so much so that in my selfish relishing.. Read More
Sometimes, as my dog takes on that tranquil, faraway look I wonder: Will anyone notice if I don’t pick up her shit? And is she inwardly laughing at me when I do? Does she reminisce? Plan? Get sad? The concept of canine consciousness came to me recently. My baby niece (yes, I compare people to pups) has started looking at her reflection and I wonder if she already recognizes that.. Read More
Earthquakes. Tornadoes. Tsunamis . They all happen. And we’re totally powerless over it. After a few recent tectonic events, there might be nervousness about our expiration date arriving sooner than anticipated. Chile had a quake. Yellowstone had one. L.A. too (nothing new. Yawn.) It might make some anxious, but the hope is that it also breaks a few of us out of the routines that keep us curmudgeon-y. Here in.. Read More
Where the hell is spring? Just kidding. It may not be leave-the-house-without-bringing-a-hoodie weather yet, but it’s not too bad. Sun’s out. Birds’re chirping. Third graders are outside, proudly puffing cigarettes in front of passing cars. S’nice. Sorta reminds me of dreams I’ve been fostering through frost of winter: erecting a vegetable garden in my parent’s backyard. It’d be something different, burn off some holiday adipose, and then help keep it.. Read More
Remember when Twitter first started? Yeah. Me either. It took me years to even set up an account, much less use it. Actually, the only reason I did was because my then-boyfriend said something like, “Twitter is for assholes.” Naturally, I saw it as a chance to spark conflict and have someone to take my misdirected femme-rage out on. So I set one up. Only problem is: when you limit.. Read More
Once upon a time, I made the mistake of caving into peer pressure… …and watched the entire season of a dark T.V. series called True Detective – in, like, three days. Now, this isn’t going to be a popular thing to say, but out of all the disturbingly horrible facets of this show (and there’s the worst kind, which I won’t spoil for you by sharing), the most egregious for.. Read More
Ohhh. Let’s paint eachother’s toes and talk secret societies. Much like the something-awful implantation of horrid rappers into pop songs, it’s hard to find a pop music viddy sans imagery people call “occult” or “illuminati”. Go Youtube your favorite betch blowing notes and the comment section’s littered with accusations of the satanic persuasion. Don’t get me wrong here. I totally believe there’s more to social constructs than meets the all-seeing-eye… Read More