Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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New Favorite Animal: Immortal Zombie Water Bears

Posted on February 24, 2013

Remember when you were a kid, and people would ask you sophomoric questions to perpetuate your egotistical “I, Me, It’s-my-world-you’re-just-living-in-it” mindset, like, “What’s your favorite animal? And what’s your least favorite animal?” Well, while I can still confidently say I love dogs best and loathe spiders most , the scientist in me has come around to greatly respecting at least one animal out there that has eight legs and goes.. Read More

Excessive Farce

Posted on February 15, 2013

REMEMBER KELLY THOMAS? He was this poor dude with a mental disorder, down on his luck, without a job, homeless, etc. If you get depressed easily, don’t look it up, but if you do, I’ll give you the short and skinny so you don’t have to: He was beaten to death by cops… like…. super beaten. All those “hard to break” bones in his face and stuff – they broke… Read More

Open Letter To Fellow Facebook Friends

Posted on February 12, 2013

I just have one question… *ahem* What’s Facebook invites doing in this inbox when I told you: “No Facebook game requests… EVER?!” I post and I post ’till I’m half-dead, and I hear people saying, “She should join Bubble Safari” or “Come hear my shitty band sound like a cat giving birth to a bowling ball.” And what do I get?! A “FRIEND”… who cares as much about the well.. Read More

Like an Al Pacino movie without any yelling

Posted on February 9, 2013

Quick! Name one Pacino flick where he doesn’t shout at all (and no opening another browser tab, window, or your phone to cheat either). Such is actually the premise for one of my go to statements regarding ridiculous plans or concepts that make no sense to me. For instance, someone recently mentioned a future gathering (I think it was to be a work party at which there would be no.. Read More

Dulcet Darwinian Duels

Posted on February 7, 2013

Warning – this may be boring if you slept through your evolution lecture – but I rather enjoyed this post: But, you know me. Or maybe you don’t – so I’ll remind you that I have to ruin everything remotely enjoyable via over-thinking, endless “what ifs”, and internal interrogations. Thus, upon reading it, I immediately found the potential flaws in the experiment, and asked myself: But what if the thumb.. Read More

The Princess & The Prostitute

Posted on January 22, 2013

CARTOON SLAGS Oh, boobs! Disney was the jump start that shot me into spending my youth praying for the day I’d have some D’s to display. I mean, their various pretty protagonists shared other attractive features also – wide eyes, slim physiques, and inflection injected voices laden with laughter; but nothing spoke to my inner 8 year-old-going-on-18 like the pert plus twos each of them proudly postured up and out.. Read More

“Get My Good Side”

Posted on January 20, 2013

Tell me: Is a “symmetrical” face attractive? Well, eff what YOU think; Wikipedia says so, so it must be: It wasn’t until later on in my life (during some high school art class or whatever) that I realized our faces aren’t perfectly symmetrical. I mean, how could it be? Whether that kid sitting next to me who had bacne and talked like Chris from Family Guy was facing left or.. Read More

If the shades fit… fare the cost.

Posted on January 19, 2013

YOU PAID $500 FOR SUNGLASSES?! A girlfriend recently shared her excitement with the Facebook community regarding some Chanel sunglasses whose arrival she had anxiously awaited after losing an identical pair. In any case, her picture’s caption included what some might deem a hefty price tag: Anyway, she asked me to chime in and give my opinion on the matter, which naturally meant I had to skim through the commentary on.. Read More

Someone famous gets ignored because people are busy going to work.

Posted on January 18, 2013

Wonderful post about this violin-player-in-a-subway video here: After reading, I couldn’t help but concur. If you didn’t click the link above, the best part about this video is how they time the fast parts of the music to the fast-forward part of the editing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myq8upzJDJc&feature=player_embedded Also, I know I’ll sound uncultured, but I didn’t know who the hell was Joshua Bell before hand. It’s just like the Tyra analogy mentioned.. Read More