Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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30 days: Can I install innovation habits with neuroplasticity?

Posted on March 8, 2015

“And how much is this?” I asked, thumbing through the packet labeled “aura reading”. There were numerous pages explaining the chakras and showing some random soul with his face blacked out, surrounding by blurry orange halo. PDF files. Charts. Graphs. Who knew you could turn spirituality into a piece worthy of PubMed status? “A hundred,” the shop owner replied. I actively tried to force my eyes from doing that thing.. Read More

I count nopehundred and nopety nope nopes on this wall…

Posted on March 8, 2015

Usually when I say, “NOPE. NOPENOPENOPENOPE” it’s not one for 100+ spiders sat on my wall. It’s just because I’m reiterating my sentiments regarding a single case of BnE an arachnid’s performing in my home. Just one spider. Thusly, a cascade is set off of childlike screams, full body sweats, and the sudden capacity to impeccably aim the flat side of a phone book throwing star style at a microscopic.. Read More

Wait… did we just find the cure for cancer?

Posted on March 8, 2015

After mowing through all the previous seasons of VICE, I was looking forward to the next one, eagerly. (Well, I guess not too eagerly ’cause I apparently missed the third round’s premiere last week.) So as I sat down the other evening to enjoy a nice cup of soup after a hard day of doing the Sisyphus version of shoveling snow while more just poured down on me, I belatedly.. Read More

I need to watch this TED talk at least twelve more times.

Posted on March 8, 2015

Another fantastic TED talk here… on innovation Actually, I clicked on this talk hoping it’d play out like a Buzzfeed list of 365 ways to unlock my creative ballpoint bearing braininess that didn’t wanna come out and write today. Just to show what a “dur” state I was in (my coffee was still brewing; get off me) before I pressed play, I didn’t even make the obvious connection literally anyone.. Read More

Turning workouts into wine is a MYTH, says scientist himself.

Posted on March 8, 2015

“That’s probably not good for you.” “STFU,” I replied in non-acronym form, as I chugged the remainder of my Merlot. “I mean, not right before you go to the gym.” Had he been a fleet of wild horses with Gos’s face, he couldn’t’ve dragged me away from my nightly libations. I mean, my hypocritical boyfriend at the time who’d keep a cigarette in his mouth whenever I dragged (zing) him.. Read More

#FartRape is feminism’s new enemy

Posted on March 8, 2015

Okay, this article on “Can a fart be misogynistic?” is a little old – but still a gem. This Onion style spotlighting of “rape culture” gone wild, mutated, and blown outta proportion was like an intravenous opiate to all the painful parts of my soul. But it led me to wonder – though the piece itself is clearly satire – the feminist chick is very definitely not. So just how.. Read More

Mess with the bullhook in private; get the public’s tusk.

Posted on March 8, 2015

Finally, some good news for the poor imported fat asses of Barnum ‘n Bailey: Elephants will no longer be part of the circus. And, in a way, I think we have Hollywood to thank for it. If you’re like me, you may have seen “Water For Elephants” and thought, “Oh, well that was like twelve million years ago when people were depressed and poor and didn’t care about if animals.. Read More

What’s the logic behind tying a dog to train tracks?

Posted on March 7, 2015

Generally, I at least try to see the other side of a seemingly illogical act. Even acts of cruelty by people who are nothing like me. But when it came to this horrific story about a dog who was tied to the train tracks and shot before being rescued by a cop, I had a little trouble. So, I started dismantling my dome to seek any possible reasoning someone totally.. Read More

And now for a very large dog. And a very large cat.

Posted on March 5, 2015

Well, it’s happened. A thought translated into vibrations in my vocal cords until it reached air, carrying intelligible significance. Just barely, tho. It was a quote from a car commercial. (With a slight tweak: “That’s not a real puppy… that’s too big to be a real puppy…” ) But you just might say it too, after seeing “Hulk”: This behemoth pit bull embodies that whole “big friendly giant” concept in.. Read More

Dan Stevens as “The Beast”? Yes, please.

Posted on March 5, 2015

Duh, why didn’t I think of this…? So, not terribly long ago, I wondered which actor could possibly do the Beast justice in the upcoming Disney live-action fairy tale remake. My last blog on this expressed my usual eyeroll-smirk reaction to these sortsa live-action things (being forced to see Phantom of the Opera felt like all my senses had taken a holiday at Guantanamo). But, it being among my favorite.. Read More