Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Siri’s a ride o’ die ass bish.

Posted on August 16, 2014

Ever wonder if technology could help you hide a crime? Like the bodies of telemarketers you’ve tracked down and murdered? Or feed dispossessed pets to an ATM? Well, wonder no more! Much like our spiritual paths, our god given homicidal gifts can be educed easily if we only look at that which we already have. Like Siri, for instance. And, indeed, today’s tech accomplice (techomplice?) award for assistance in murder.. Read More

Pilot lands plane sans an arm? #likeaboss

Posted on August 16, 2014

Fake arms and legs are a great thing for people who’ve, ya know, lost their real ones. But what happens when the replacements fall off as you’re running complicated gadgets? Lately this seems to be a problem for people with prostheses on planes. I remember that one story about the drunk lady who took off her own stem sub and started wielding it at plane staff and passengers like a.. Read More

14 year old squats for 4 days at WallyWorld

Posted on August 16, 2014

Now, that’s just impressive. A fourteen year old kid camping out in a Walmart for the better part of a week? I mean – the feat itself is impressive. First, I give him kudos for being able to remain not-caught for four whole days. Second, that’s some cognitive kung-fu of the gladiator genre if he was able to hole up in that portal to hell most people have to ride.. Read More

Root for the villain: Lester Ballard

Posted on August 16, 2014

Quickly answer this: Could you identify with a necrophiliac? Aha! Because I’m psychic, I know that your first thoughts just went to Ted Bundy, didn’t they? Indeed, it’s hard to break away from the associations that icons – be they infamous or just famous – usher to the forefront of our minds. We know that Dahmer ate biceps because he was too lazy to go to the gym and make.. Read More

IRL Siberian Adventure Time is better than the chick version

Posted on August 15, 2014

From Lassie to Jake the Dog, I’ve always liked the idea of person-like pup. Ya know, someone to help me uncover the hidden treasure my Teddy Ruxpin map led to. However, most of my IRL pets were barely capable of surviving their own lives, much less saving princesses or stealing booty or stealing booty from princesses (I was a precocious kid). Like, for instance, there was that one who liked.. Read More

Ramen like a boss

Posted on August 15, 2014

Why do good girls like bad food? I don’t know, personally. Because I’m not good. So I can’t help you there. But I can say I like good food – and while I love fruit, soup will always hold a special burner on my heart stove. In fact, back when Brittany Murphy played The Ramen Girl, I wanted to pack my bags, jet to Japan and become a frock donning.. Read More

Triplet pandas prove anti-Darwin award exists

Posted on August 13, 2014

So some pandas were born. Three, actually – a whole triplet litter of Chinese pandas – born behind bars. Right when we think their kind’s dying, they beat the odds. ’cause the truth is, they pretty much are all dying. Or trying to. I don’t mean to be a downer. The only thing cooler than pandas would be if one of them could actually talk like Jack Black. Or eat.. Read More

Face under pressure: art of the ugly cry

Posted on August 13, 2014

Hello all, I’m Aphrodite’s bastard child and I’m staying with Ashley for a bit until my mom gets her shit together (she wouldn’t upgrade my ios or let me use the car this weekend). So I ran away, I’m here, and I’ve hijacked Ashley’s page while she’s out running errands. I’m not going to be here long because all she eats is the food my food eats. However, I’d like.. Read More

Film review: Disconnect

Posted on August 11, 2014

I haven’t done a film review in a while. Mostly because I haven’t found that many new flicks worth giving a chance. That said, I just watched “Disconnect” – a film from a few years ago. And I’mma have to give it a B+. (It went up from a C rating because of Skarsgard and earned a plus because this’s in it): It reminded me of a Coppola film –.. Read More

More awesomery from Rowling

Posted on August 11, 2014

I spotlighted J.K. Rowling’s awesomeness recently. That was because her capacity to wage metaphorical war on racism via fantasy is pretty much epic and deserved mention. While my first instinct was to say that today’s yes-and tale tacks on to that fact – but that the recent story in question is of a different caliber – that’d be in poor taste. ’cause it involves a gun shooting victim. So, we.. Read More