Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Are cell phone bans useless?

Posted on July 23, 2014

Cell phone bans make for shitty accident prevention. Thoughtless drivers always find new ways to be thoughtless; so distracted driving wasn’t an innovation brought about by the horror show that is texting while driving (though I do wonder how many “one phone one wheel” half-finished vlogs have made their way to bestgore.com). Sure, mobiles may have served as a good extra attention stealer, but we can’t blame all our traffic.. Read More

Segregated living: richer in the front, poorer in the rear

Posted on July 22, 2014

Have you ever lived in a place you can barely afford? And feel like a hooker browsing on Rodeo anytime you walk through your own foyer? Well, good. You should. In fact, a New York apartment building that’s in the making is going to save you some trouble of feeling bad about being alive in the presence of your you-so-fancy neighbors. The 33 story building imminently coming to 40 Riverside.. Read More

Do you have to wait till 65 to be self-confident?

Posted on July 21, 2014

How “self-confident” are you? No – rather – how do you define self-confidence in the first place? That was a question I had to think about after reading this Gallup survey on “self-confidence” in our culture. Blacks and Hispanics seemed to feel better about their appearance, while Caucasians (except the elderly) did not – especially teens and middle-aged folk. But I don’t think this is self-confidence in the “grrrll, I.. Read More

Four winged dinosaur? Mmyes. I’m listening…

Posted on July 21, 2014

So… a four winged dinosaur was discovered! I dunno man. While the science kid in me was totally enchanted when I first heard this, the let’s-ruin-christmas-for-myself side of me was like… “wouldn’t that just slow it down? Or make it go in big vertical circles?” How the eff’s that supposed to work? Indeed, Changyuraptor yangi – the majestic relic related to velociraptor – did manage to “find a way”. Magic?.. Read More

King Durian – a slutty fruit fairytale.

Posted on July 20, 2014

I kinda stand up straight like a roman emperor after grocery day. Looking upon my vast and frigid kingdom in a box, the landscape of my gastronomically seductive empire comprises colors that delight the eyes and jump start the belly with all its prismatic glory. There’s water filled fluorescent fruits dotting the shelves hither and thither. There’s enoki, maitake, and whatever the pre-sliced mushrooms are called in the drawers below… Read More

Laughing gas? You mean bitch mist?

Posted on July 20, 2014

Virtual reality at the dentist? As a pain reliever? Instead of numbing agents? Or happy gas? What sorcery is this?! Yep. A virtual reality experiment had some surprisingly effective results at the tooth doctor’s office. The claim – that it minimizes pain and anxiety during procedures – seemed to hold up according to the testimonies of the patients themselves. But even more telling was the contraption they were hooked up.. Read More

Why TSA fondle imposter victims didn’t report assault.

Posted on July 19, 2014

Wanna get drunk and grope women? No problem! Just put on a blue outfit, some latex gloves, and head to the airport. Like this one dude who posed as a TSA agent to digitally diddle hot check-in chicks. (“…and yes TSA does stand for “Tickle Some Ass”) In an HTF (is HTF acceptable as a modification of WTF for “how the fckk”?) story that recently took place, a dude did.. Read More

Blowing up your home in the name of arachnid assassination.

Posted on July 19, 2014

So, a man burned down his house trying to kill a spider. Mmmyes. I can already identify with this story. After seeing eight legged satan in his laundry room, the man did what any sane person acting rationally and calmly would do: went after it with a lighter and a can of spray paint. You know, that’s good… And… I like where your head’s at, buddy. But you could have.. Read More

Suing Seth MacEff for stealing teddy bear?

Posted on July 19, 2014

Headline for an article I reluctantly read today: “Family Guy stolen teddy bear suit”. I feel the need to preface this with the fact that I only read this because I was half awake and thought it was going to be about Seth MacFarlane stealing the actual teddy bear suit from “Ted”, and doing musical numbers in it around town like a man in an ill-fitting animatronic costume en route.. Read More

Hole-iday at the end of the world!

Posted on July 18, 2014

The term “the end of the world” brings to mind many things. And if you know me, you’ll understand that the major players which come to mind are 1. Aliens or zombies (or both), 2. Awesome 90’s music. 3. Franco’s flick about having a party when the rapture happens. While none of those things are what this story’s about, a crater like the one outside of Franco’s movie party-house has.. Read More