Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Cavendish cadavers: Are bananas going extinct?

Posted on May 30, 2014

First they’re telling me avocados might die, now bananas? You know, fungus is great when it’s adjacent to the produce aisle in Wegmans. I’m obsessed with the shitake, mitake, GeorgeTakei and all the other edible mushrooms my stomach hasn’t met yet. But the kinda fungus that destroys stuff like bananas before it can come sit in the produce aisle? That really cramps my style. And it’ll be putting a cramp.. Read More

Caveman to the cage #frankeffect

Posted on May 30, 2014

Finally. Coffee that will eff my cellulite off. “Frank” is this anthropomorphized coffee scrub I came across when a hot girl I follow on Instagram posted a picture of herself wearing it. Yes, wearing it. At first, I was slightly horrified at the scat-like sight of this beautifully built goddess of my IG feed layered in what looked like ex-lax induced butt fudge. Thusly, the irony of her brilliant while.. Read More

Google’s has driverless car (*Yawn*)

Posted on May 30, 2014

“Google is building a car that drives itself”. If I seem like a sardonic douche, it’s cause a.) I totally am, and b.) I’m ultra-bitter about this. I mean, way to go – waiting to build a driveless car until after I’ve quit drinking alcohol forever? I could have totally benefited from this during my years living under a chemical canopy and aimlessly drifting from dive to dive sans actually.. Read More

Nomstagram for morsel mindfulness

Posted on May 30, 2014

Aw, I love a good eating disorder recovery story. So, this teenager on Instagram started snapping still shots of her food, art, and a combo of the two when she was trying to recover from anorexia or bulimia (or something, I didn’t read the whole thing – I was too distracted by the pretty pictures). But I really like this (as a concept I’m not willing to actually do but.. Read More

Two icons talking (Dave Chappelle & Maya Angelou chat)

Posted on May 29, 2014

I just came across a clip from “Iconoclasts”. I haven’t seen the whole exchange yet. But in the excerpt I watched, she spoke with Dave Chappelle about commonalities they shared as icons – not the least of which was the creative process and the involvement of others in it. Maya related to Dave how she would get a hotel room in whatever town she visited, and abscond to the privacy.. Read More

Optogenetics: Can we Eternally Sunshine bad habits?

Posted on May 29, 2014

Quick! Without thinking: Which bad habit you wish you could break right now? Whether you’re a smoker or a serial relationshipper, you probably couldn’t answer that straight away. Not “without thinking”. Ironically, our habits seem to happen exactly that way – without us giving ’em much thought – like we’re on autopilot. Maybe we reach for a bowl of candy, a cigarette, or a wine glass when we’re stressed. Not.. Read More

Nommin’ on bee vomit

Posted on May 29, 2014

When I tried (and failed) to become full on vegan, honey was one of the last things I realized was on the list of their commandments. Upon my excommunication, I came to learn it was ‘cause they do work to make it (the bees – not the vegans). So, as a card carrier of the dietary elite, you’re not allowed to eat honey: not with tea, not in your bread,.. Read More

Hey, remember that time we almost all died?

Posted on May 28, 2014

You’ve probably heard what’ll happen if Yellowstone’s super volcano blows, right? Most seem to think that if it “erupts” (I’m making air quotes – you just can’t see them – ’cause it’ll be more like a full on explosion), then we’re over like Brad and Jen when he met Maleficent. Done. Impact winter. Covered in ash, and slowly freezing to death under an atmospherically dimmed sun. “Dim Sum?” No, not.. Read More

There’s microbes in your micturition (that means pee!)

Posted on May 27, 2014

Do you love to drink pee? -“Duh.” In my perfectly coddled world of blissful ignorance, I’d like to believe that no one has to ingest their own piss, ever. But what if we’re stranded like Joe Dirt and try survive Grylls style? Is the tinkle drinking adventurer trustworthy enough for us to follow his leaky lead? Also, there’s that compartmentalized closet in the bowels of my brain reserved for the.. Read More

Free money – the San Francisco tweet

Posted on May 27, 2014

Move over, rice-er-oni. San Francisco’s got a new treat. Some millionaire’s been dropping bills like SFO’s a glittery titty bar. You'll find white swans here; and, if you're lucky, a white envelope. (Too easy???) pic.twitter.com/xBgzQZSAS2 — Hidden Cash (@HiddenCash) May 27, 2014 Even though murder rampages will always get top story priority, it’s nice to see tales of charity also making news. I recall learning back in my college Communications.. Read More