You’ve probably heard what’ll happen if Yellowstone’s super volcano blows, right?
Most seem to think that if it “erupts” (I’m making air quotes – you just can’t see them – ’cause it’ll be more like a full on explosion), then we’re over like Brad and Jen when he met Maleficent. Done. Impact winter. Covered in ash, and slowly freezing to death under an atmospherically dimmed sun.
“Dim Sum?”
No, not “dim sum”. But since we’re talkin’ Asia, something relevant did happen there about 77,000 years ago – when we almost all died. In Indonesia, apparently humans indeed survived the Toba supervolcano eruption.
Wait, that doesn’t sound that interesting, does it?
Okay, if Mount Vesuvius was an anorexic thigh gappy supermodel fairy who was small enough to roller skate around your guitar pick, then Toba would be on Discovery network.
Having a gastric bypass performed.
When this happens:
When Toba exploded long ago, all the plant and animal life on earth suffered – and there was a bottleneck in human of evolution. But we didn’t go completely extinct, obviously.
(Dude… wouldn’t it be cool if the “I dunno how to merge” douchelords who cause traffic bottlenecks got Darwin’d outta life too?)
For the survivors, we retrospectively classify them by what’s called “breeding pairs”. And you wanna know the bat shitty thing? It’s said we were whittled down to a whopping 40 of these primitive puppy lover duos. In fact, the total number of people including those who passed on without passing on their genes, reportedly was at most 55,500. Geez. Sometimes I forget that whole “we all come from the same stardust” thing. It’s too far removed. But this reframes it a bit:
7-point-something billion people on the planet. Right?
And all our mutual ancestors who survived that molten rock could fit in one rock concert.
(I bet they totally held underground raves.)
So the next time you’re feeling a little racist or thinking you have nothing in common with the lady on the subway spelunking for nasal gold while using the vertical pole to scratch the inside of her ass, just remember: you both come from the same handful-figure of homo-erectuses (homo erecti?). So try to be nice. (Besides you might need her for her hidden skills after Yellowstone blows and you’re still alive.)
Because it’s overdue to bust… and it’s not the Thumbelina.
It’s Moby Muhfuggin Dick.