Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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String jingles & joints join generations in Denver

Posted on May 26, 2014

Maybe you like a li’l pot to augment your ipod playlist at the day’s end. Just to, ya know, anesthetize the pain of being boring. Or augment your god like existence. And you know who else who loves those two things? Rich people, apparently. That’s right. High society is now giving itself a new name with events like Classically Cannibis (basically a sativa string party) that Colorado Symphony Orchestra is.. Read More

Grinding in isolation: 10 signs it’s time to take a break

Posted on May 26, 2014

Having an at home job sounds like a dream. Like an all-week vacation. And it can be, for us free-lancers – if we do what we should. But I personally forget sometimes that workaholism is just a chemical substitute that can cause a rainbow flavored array of problems. As Heath Ledger’s Joker once eloquently said, “Madness, as you know, is a lot like gravity .It only takes a little push.”.. Read More

Holy intstellar internet timesink, Batman

Posted on May 25, 2014

As I sat sunning myself yesterday, my foot began throbbing. It’s my own fault. My cardio form has been so bad, I imagine I look like some flaccid Gumby push puppet when I take to the treadmill. My tendency to fall into a woe-is-me wallow moment was curtailed when I realized no one was there to cry to. Even my dog was throwing shade at me from the shady spot.. Read More

You’z a spiritual pimp and I’m yo bottom betch.

Posted on May 25, 2014

Are our great thinkers of today really any better than we are? Bestselling author @shawnachor discovers the secret of happy people. #SuperSoulSunday is on NOW! pic.twitter.com/5PKCXle3g9 — Oprah Network Canada (@OWNCanada) May 25, 2014 Whether it’s Cosmos or Metaphysical Milkshake or Super Soul Sunday, I love to watch documentaries, interviews, whatever – something where someone seemingly better than I am can make me want to reduce my dumbass or douchelord.. Read More

70 foot ice-drop vs. 127 hour desert-trap

Posted on May 23, 2014

When 127 hours came out, I thought, “What if social media were around back then?” I tend to think the real Ralston would have tweeted those selfie snaps he took – or at least updated fellow Facebook canyoneers about where he was headed had networking sites been around. Somebody that egotistical (as he shames himself for) doesn’t perform random acts of badassery just to keep it to himself. You share.. Read More

Dark Disney Part Two…

Posted on May 23, 2014

(Dark Disney Part 1) Today, class, we continue our original fairy tale analyses… SNOW WHY? As in “why” didn’t evolution weed out this bitch from the population? People with an IQ of potato shouldn’t get saved as many times as Snow White did. In Grimm’s OG version, the Queen specifically requests for White’s liver and lungs (I suppose if writers sub in a heart, it’s easier for kids to conjure.. Read More

MUST maturity be mundane?

Posted on May 23, 2014

As adults…must we end our weekend rerun marathons of Aqua Teen? Quit being giddy? Develop that annoying “work voice” that jarred us the first time we heard dad enact it on the phone with his boss because we could totally hear the hidden terror in his voice? Must we transmogrify into that? My buddy Richard had this convo with an anonymous acquaintance he was trying to Socratically assist. Eh –.. Read More

Judging hands and jobs.

Posted on May 22, 2014

The only lubricant in this story….is social lubricant. And that’s exactly what Cognitive Neuroscience says handshakes are. According to these palm professionals, we should always shake hands when we’re meeting strangers. Why? It’s a great way for us to all do what we do best as assholes: judge each other. When we start off with contact, it’s a nice non-verbal way of being positive to a stranger. An unspoken temporary.. Read More

Cancer gets owned by Mayo’s measle weapon

Posted on May 21, 2014

So… a woman’s cancer was suppressed by measles? Is this a potential cancer cure? Or the start of an “I Am Legend”, IRL zombie apocalypse? For the former: No – because it’s not a “blanket” cure (just one kind of cancer’s responded to it). Also, you must repeat studies a lot to even imply – not prove – causation (this just looked at a couple patients). Oh, right. And necrotic.. Read More

Bad HyJeans: Strange fashion hacks

Posted on May 21, 2014

How often do you wash your blue jeans? Fashion says… this is a trick question. And that you should never wash your jeans. Well, not never. But almost. Instead, major designers dabbling in denim fashion dictate a “once every few months” (if that) actual machine wash to keep crisp or whatever jeans are meant to do. And in between that? The advice is essentially an abbreviated gag reel of unconventional.. Read More