Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Out of the mouths of babes… literally.

Posted on May 3, 2015

Every vegan gets sick of hearing the same questions through a shit-eating grin: “Why’d you go vegan? Where’dya get your protein? What about those poor defenseless carrots herpderp?” And I guess what pisses me off about it is really more because I generally am not the one to bring it up rub-it-in-your-face style. (I’ve seen that and thought, “Think I’ll avoid that route”) People find out by probing; I only.. Read More

Scientifically demystifying spiritual stuff P3: The “heart chakra”

Posted on May 3, 2015

Next on science demystified: THE HEART CHAKRA The heart chakra is something that’s still Bin Laden level elusive to me on an application level. I mean – I’ll think I’ve got it in my cross hairs, but then it’ll die and randomly disappear (also like Bin Laden did). And that generally happens when I’m afraid (anxious, nervous, disgusted, etc). I suppose that jibes with the whole “Love versus Fear” thing.. Read More

Scientifically demystifying spiritual stuff P2: CHI flow

Posted on May 3, 2015

Next up on spirituality demystified is… CHI ENERGY I’m referring to this one as “chi” instead of the lower chakras, ’cause I tend to believe it all bubbles up from the same place. (Close… But like, slightly higher.) Whatever you call it, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. ’cause this one’s been of interest to me since the first day I felt it myself and almost leapt outta my.. Read More

Scientifically demystifying spiritual stuff P1: The “third eye”

Posted on May 3, 2015

I had a thought the other day while I was out jogging. Actually, it was more like a cascade of thoughts that my brain does when it’s desperate to take all that mind-body spiritual stuff (which I know for a fact works if you try) and link it up to a language my less airy-fairy rational brethren can comprehend. And you know what? I think, I’ve at least – in.. Read More

Are YOU on the funds, comfort, and fornication carousel?

Posted on May 2, 2015

“Do people who make more money have more sex? Are they happier in life?” This may seem like a two part answer of “Duh” and “Duh point duh to the are-you-kidding-me-th power”, but let’s pick it apart a little bit. Sure, there are the obvious, superficial reasons the well-off catch a good batch of strange on the regular. But what about when people like you or I get a raise?.. Read More

Apple’s new watch is racist against tattoos.

Posted on May 2, 2015

Not that I was gonna get one anyway, but apparently I’m “incompatible” with Apple’s new watch. Because I have a tattoo. At least that’s what I was thinking when I read one misleading headline (but obviously effective clickbait – not unlike the one I’ve paired with this very piece) about their watches not working on humans who’ve been perma-doodled. “What’s this, Ashley? Is Apple racist against the indelibly inked now?”.. Read More

“Asses to asses… Bust to bust”

Posted on May 2, 2015

Some things just go well together. Like peanut butter and jelly. Butter and popcorn. Sex… and death. Yep. You heard me right. After seeing a “in weird news” piece today about China tryn’a stop people from hiring strippers for funeral services, I wondered – when was this ever a thing to begin with? It sounds more like a cross between a Will Ferrell movie sub-plot and something that’d be reserved.. Read More

The Wolves of Wall Street Journal (and everywhere else)

Posted on May 2, 2015

They’re everywhere, these “native ads”. You maybe have heard of – or even fallen prey – to these wolves in sheep’s clothing. Because they look just like the content you’re seeking online – done up in the format of articles, videos, and other run of the mill posts – all hidden safely within the content flock of everything from Facebook to your favorite news outlet. The worst part is you.. Read More

Confessions of an “ex-party girl”

Posted on May 1, 2015

I saw this great “ex-party girl” post today. And I’ll be damned if that shiz ain’t true. But let’s call a thing a thing here. Based off all the other Facebookers sharing this post (who also don’t launch chemical vessels of any sort down their sanguine highway anymore) this is really more of an ex-lush-n-drug post. I mean, party girls might tone down the stiletto height, up the fabric on.. Read More

Anyone else watch the new Kurt Cobain documentary?

Posted on May 1, 2015

After having the same lyric from “Territorial Pissings” on loop in my head for three days straight, I caved. I watched the Kurt Cobain documentary. Mind you, I was gonna watch it anyway. It’s just that the tale – which you know the ending to – is depressing enough that you kinda hafta be in good spirits to watch it if you’re easily depressed like me (probably why I identified.. Read More