Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

This author hasn't added his/her bio.

Robots will raid your wardrobe this year.

Posted on February 23, 2015

Well we all knew robots were taking over the globe. But our clothes? Hold onto your Wall-E seats (mostly ‘cause you’re too fat and can’t move anymore and nothing else is in reach) because in mildly ridiculous news, the latest sartorial technology is this robot… that zips and unzips your clothes for you. Granted, I see this working beautifully for the handicapped and old people (even though maybe the robots.. Read More

The Walking Denim: JNCOs resurrected from grave of grade 8

Posted on February 23, 2015

Back when I was in the middle to high school era, the 70’s were making a comeback. The halls were filled with daisies and smiley face tops, platform shoes, and bell bottom jeans that looked like our spindly legs had been supplanted by dual Dysons made of denim. We even resurrected such phrases as “Groovy” and “Keep on truckin’” for god knows what reason. And as I’d traipse off to.. Read More

I’m shocked… at Sourcefed’s poor taste on this electrocution story.

Posted on February 23, 2015

Ya know, depending on my mood, I can sometimes be a real douche on here. I’ll lightly mock celebrities and disperse low level subject matter into the minds of my poor unassuming readers. In my defense, my intentions generally start out all well and good (to entertain, if nothing else), but sometimes they get twisted, and if it makes any of you ever feel anything other than a grin spread.. Read More

Why this woman bought her husband’s mistress lingerie.

Posted on February 23, 2015

I didn’t know how to react to this story at first. I mean it starts off like a pretty typical cheater tale: A woman opens her hubby’s suitcase to see a Viccy’s Secret bag in there with a nightie in red – a color she deliberately avoided wearing well into adulthood because she was “always told” it looked terrible against her fair skin and strawberry blonde hair. Hubby knew this.. Read More

How other nation’s high school lunch noms compare to ours…

Posted on February 23, 2015

Not terribly long ago, I wrote about how terrible high school lunches are. There’re plenty of lelfies (lunch selfies – a word I’m pretty sure I just made up) being posted up to Twitter with the hashtag #thanksmichelleobama demonstrating how awful they truly are, so the evidence is clearly there. And I recall it myself from one million years ago – it’s just that, sadly, nothing’s improved since I left… Read More

Are we “picking the wrong lovers” Or just lazy?

Posted on February 23, 2015

There was this cute movie Jenny McCarthy once did called “Dirty Love”. It was fun for what it was – a mindless, fluffy, sexy, comedy – but you’d hurt your brain if you looked too deeply. Which, natch, I tried to do. While the message is supposed to be good – about seeking out “pure” love versus “dirty” love with the kind of low-level sorta person you think you “deserve”.. Read More

Creative destruction: “The Wrath of Ash” collection.

Posted on February 20, 2015

You know, I’ve heard about “anger management” classes before. It’s a quaint concept, really. But as an artist, I’ve found something to be far more therapeutic than expressing my feelings in mere words to fellow sufferers. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not putting down anger management. It works beautifully for some – namely those who wish to curb their rage and mitigate the madness. Thus, I completely accept that.. Read More

Ego gatorade fuels my winter cardio fire

Posted on February 20, 2015

It’s no wonder most people throw in the towel (and shovel) and give up on fitness in winter. I mean, if you plan to drive to your gym (or trail in my case) after a good snowin’, that means you’ve got at least two workouts awaiting you – the one you’re headed to – plus digging your auto outta an icy grave in order to get there. Admittedly, this can.. Read More

Does porn star “library girl” need Jesus? Or just a backup plan?

Posted on February 20, 2015

Ever get nookie amongst books? Dirty in a word-atorium? Sexed hard against hardback texts? Some people just like getting down while they’re out in public. Regular people just trying to escape from their real careers and lives by indulging in a taboo with their boo. Libraries are quiet – like churches – which is why I tend to think this fantasy’s so common. With all that sacred silence, it feels.. Read More

Why do old people bother getting married?

Posted on February 20, 2015

So this 75 year old dude re-proprosed to his 75 year old ex wife. At WallyWorld. It may not sound super romantic – being in WalMart and all – but that’s where she worked. So, in a way, I guess it kinda was, because he wanted all her friends to see and make a fuss over her and stuff afterward. Thing is, they’d been divorced for about 43 years when.. Read More