Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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Next level web spying? Or technological serendipity?

Posted on February 4, 2015

You know, the current gov’ment spy level is unsettling as it is. It’s bad enough when you log into YouTube or Facebook and are suddenly greeted with a sidebar or interjected ads about that thing you were just Googling yesterday. It’s like the evil “delete browser history” workaround – which we all think we’re so smart when we do, until your matriarch wife hops on your laptop for some research.. Read More

Who says ridiculous talk shows aren’t insightful?

Posted on February 4, 2015

I realized three things when I mistakenly turned from the news to Dr. Phil today: 1.) Why am I watching this? (less a realization; more a serious moral self-inquiry, really.) 2.) He’s kinda just Jerry Springer with more credentials and less hair. 3.) I now get the real reason I’m not married or planning to be anytime soon. You see, the show was on cheaters, mistresses, and the like. IKR?.. Read More

Of course nut.

Posted on February 4, 2015

Louis CK has this great bit that he does-…. (Okay. Okay. I know I always reference him, but bear with me – ‘cause you’ll like this one….) So, he has this bit where he plays an appallingly delightful devil’s advocate about serious issues. And it’s appalling for the same reason it’s delightful and funny: ‘cause it’s true. It starts with an “Of course ABC should happen – because it’s morally.. Read More

This vibrator necklace must be a joke…

Posted on February 2, 2015

The latest sex-cessory by “Crave” is a necklace that gives new meaning to “ribbed pleasure” Because while you wear it over your ribs in public… you pleasure yourself with it in private: (Is it just me or does the peripheral view of this thing look kinda like where its meant to actually go?) Indeed. This Valentine’s day, your soul mate and potential father of your children (though you may not.. Read More

Does god want me to be fat?

Posted on February 2, 2015

A friend posted a quote recently that I’m going to try now to remember: “Motivation doesn’t last – but neither does taking a shower. So you should try to do both every day.” Yeah, I think that’s it. And it’s true. It’s like another quote you hear in the rooms of drug or alcohol or overeating recovery: “Just for today”. You take things a day at a time until they.. Read More

Do we really hate pop music? Or the people singing it?

Posted on February 2, 2015

Think of a pop star you hate. Mmmkay, now: what do you hate about them? Their music? Or the fact that they piss in cleaning bucket? (To be fair, I think he really, really had to go – seeing as he clearly is shitting his pants simultaneously) This Sourcefed quick n dirty experiment I just watched aimed to find out exactly that – by playing a bit o’ Bieber for.. Read More

4 hot-body tips from porn stars

Posted on January 31, 2015

With spring just a couple months away, I’ve been looking for Spring-spiration to improve my body karate game. And yours (’cause I’m generous and I share tips here. You’re welcome). But talking about exercise and health gets really boring after a while. Doesn’t it? Like, really, what hasn’t been said or done anymore? We’ve covered Gwen’s workout routines and looked at what frappu-greenos people gag down. And that’s all nice,.. Read More

Applying for a new life.

Posted on January 31, 2015

So, I’m in the midst of applying to get into a PTA program. (That’s “Physical Therapist Assistant” – like a therapist without the grandiose title of “Dr.”) I think I mentioned in an earlier article I might be doing this – and also worried that if I did, I’d lose my artsy, writer-y, creative side. Honestly, I thought (because of that fear) that it was going to end up another.. Read More

Clearly, now I’ll have to see this disgusting movie.

Posted on January 31, 2015

“The next scene features our protagonist as she tromps through a dirty underground toilet, sloshing her feet through muck and rubbing her ass all around the seat, which is covered in piss and other unidentifiable stains.” Oh, good. I was just wondering what sweet, romantic movie I could take my Valentine to see this year. And now I know – “Wetlands” – is definitely it. I saw an article about.. Read More

EFF DA POLI-… Why, YES officer! Here’s my license for the crime I’m not doing!

Posted on January 31, 2015

“There’s a trail that way – I run it all the time,” I told the cop, while gesturing left. “It goes all the way into the park.” The cop nodded, without even glancing toward where I was pointing. I suppose that’s just ’cause I looked like the type of person who’d stab him in the jugular the second he broke eye contact. Can’t blame the bastard. It was early afternoon.. Read More