Miss Ashley Pants

Ashley

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What can we glean from Kylie’s faux pucker kerfuffle?

Posted on May 10, 2015

You know what I don’t like about KardBlock? That it doesn’t block this special brand of bullshit from my browser: Inescapable, that Koven is. This Jenner pucker kerfuffle has been pouring outta every corner of my screen (as well as a few newly ripped time space portals from the fourth dimension that don’t want it either). And, now, it’s just more reinforced news that’s unfortunately (unwelcomely) on my mind now… Read More

That moment when love silences the haters.

Posted on May 10, 2015

What’s the hardest habit you’ve ever had to quit in your life? Was it quitting the “binging and then complain about being fat” cycle? Chocolate or masturbation (or both… together)? Your only-gay-for-this-holiday lover? Whatever it was – what I’m even more interested to know is – what exactly was your final inspiration to change. What was the ultimate catalyst? Was it that you envisaged how much better your life would.. Read More

Does Russell Brand’s labor party support make him a hypocrite?

Posted on May 8, 2015

So, someone shared this post on my page the other day: I didn’t approve it (right away) because I’d admittedly been remiss at keeping up with Mr. Brand’s revolutionary Trews uploads the past couple’ve weeks. Thus, I wanted to double check that this was indeed from his blog before potentially sneezing possible disinformation onto social media like a virus sans veracity researching first. So I did. And these were indeed.. Read More

Schumer ‘n Louie comedy bomb: why so serious, guys? ;(

Posted on May 8, 2015

Anyone else watch “Louie” or “Inside Amy Schumer” here? Anyone else feel like they’re both kinda sorta striking out this week? If you’ve read anything else I’ve written, you probably know I adore them both, so when I say that what they put out this week was subpar, you can be sure it’s outta love. And why do I care? Because I generally save up my comedy faves (which –.. Read More

Stop crying over spilt Starbucks. Espesh if it’s free.

Posted on May 7, 2015

What do you do when someone gives you a gift? That you hate? You smile and pretend like you’re totally not gonna throw away the fabric holocaust that is this sweater which makes your shoulder and hips look like Melissa McCarthy’s body on a quasi-normal face, right? Or hit PetFinder – to find a home for the pup you were gifted who can’t stop chewing the furniture? And by “furniture”,.. Read More

Should “It Follows” be the new high school sex-ed film?

Posted on May 7, 2015

I used to love horror films. But, in my old age, I’ve become a milktoast pussy. Maybe it’s the whole living alone thing. Maybe it’s the lack of chemicals that used to make hewn limbs dancing around weak narratives seem like “art”. Who knows. All’s I know is that gone are the days of Rob Zombie-thons and pausing my life to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre when it came on T.V…. Read More

5 albums that don’t blow. All the way through.

Posted on May 7, 2015

Don’t you miss those albums where all the artist’s songs were good? Like, you could just tell they tried their hardest to pour their heart into every last track before shoving it out into the world? Lately, it feels like most of my former faves’ll produce a few gems (assuming they wrote them at all) and then simply shit into the rest of the record’s empty track gaps. And while.. Read More

McDelivery: ’cause fat’s not enough. They want you lazy, too.

Posted on May 6, 2015

Ho. Lee. Shiz. I was kidding (kinda) when I said I wouldn’t be surprised if McDonald’s started to try their hand at delivering. But, indeed, it looks like the fast food carnival czar will be imminently making it even easier to infest your intestines with their grease-fests. Just like I prognosticated in a previous blog (when they finally relented and started offering all-day breakfast, which they’ve never been willing to.. Read More

This saintly site browser-blocks Kardashians forever.

Posted on May 6, 2015

Somewhere along the way, those blasted Kardashians became our unwanted royal family. And much like the actual British royal family (or what they’re wearing; or their kids; or if they’re even human – which remains a point of suspicion for me), I don’t care to be updated on them. In fact, it’s more than that. I mean, it used to be a snarky indifference. But as they’ve snowballed into this.. Read More

Soon you can pop Molly with your shrink!

Posted on May 6, 2015

This just in…. MDMA may become legal. But keep on your clothes and stop gnawing the air, there, Miley. It’s just going to be for psychiatric purposes. Per HuffPost: “The Drug Enforcement Administration last week gave a green light to a clinical study that will test the safety and efficacy of MDMA for use in treating anxiety in people with life-threatening illnesses.” And that’s good enough for me when the.. Read More