“…and remember YOU’LL BE FLYING IN A SHIT MISSILE!” My dad always closes his unwelcome pre-flight “itinerary emails” with some version of this phrase. And while it’s true, it’s just one of those things where you’ve heard it so many times from the same person that it simply loses its meaning. Thus, you finally disregard the advice altogether because the person firing it at you in all caps is annoying.. Read More
This…is your brain: Eh… That’s not where I was going with this. Buu-uuut… it does help dispel some myths about your “brain on rap” – which does contrarily earn that grad cap. When I was a gangly pre-teen, I remember the parents sitting around at my sister’s basketball games, complaining about their daughters bumpin that “brain rot” in their rooms. And – to be fair – whether the listener gets.. Read More
Primpin’ ain’t easy. Time to cast some spells. Mirror mirror in plastic and glass, make my mug a virtual mask. Alright girls (and a few boys I know). L’oreal’s coming with a pretty poison apple for your apple device. The commercial conversation when it comes to beauty products is a favorite bedtime story of mine. It’s one as old as it is true: “If they have to advertise it, you.. Read More
Aw, lawd. Old fashioned meets no fashion in this tale out of Facebook. Before their family outing, Mr. Mackintosh’s daughter was wearing super slutty short shorts. When she didn’t obey mom’s directions to trade in her streetwalker hot pants for more modest duds, dad steps his own thread game up with some serious outside the box thinking. That, or he’d been living a lie behind a Catholic façade (or Mormon?).. Read More
So, this thing popped up in a TSA Insta-regram today: Otter-box-cutter, anyone? Kn-i-phone? As TSA was the original poster, obviously this guy got caught. However, there are plenty of sneaky non-terrorists who’ve managed to pass unseen through the cracks of self-proclaimed top airport security across the ages. Mostly they just wanted a ride or a job, though. For example, there was that one fifteen-year-old kid who recently went from Cali.. Read More
Screw weight watchers and food diaries. Physics is cutting to the core of calorie counting. Consumer Physics, to be specific. With their new device called Scio, you can monitor every morsel you nom before you wear it as a muffin top. Yes – even the ish that doesn’t come in a bag with those annoying guilt tables on the back. The way this technology works is super simple: *ahem* It’s.. Read More
The results are in. And we’re sorry to inform you your laugh is… fake. And you’re not fooling anyone. Well… less than half the folk, anyway. A study collecting 18 f’real and 18 faux recorded chortles was recently done. Subjects listened to audio clips of each – trying to discern which giggles were legit. 63% of time, people could tell. And while that sounds about as intuitive as flipping a.. Read More
Science says: No need to feast on adolescent girls to look youthful anymore! (Sidebar: Someone remind me to do a Dark Disney Part 2 including the incestuous OG version of Rapunzel? Kaythanks) Yep. According to recent research, a new sea creature might just be our answer to eternal youth. It seems a certain jellyfish (Turritopsis dohrnii) is capable of immortality. Whenever this species of transparent sentient gelatin gets injured or.. Read More
I always knew Disney snuck sex stuff in movies, Tyler Durden style. But I never quite realized just how dark the original tales were. Most of the timeless classics I watched on heavy rotation as a tot were wrought out of medieval fantasy folklore. Sure they taught me that to have a happy ending you need magic, a prince, and to change everything about yourself. But, then again, so did.. Read More
Is U.K. tap water full of cocaine? Or are they just “taking the piss”? (that’s a Brit term that I may or may not be using correctly…) Well, both. Kind of. In part of a long list of unexpected locales in which booger sugar has shown up, Britain’s drinking water is certainly up there. “How’d it get there?” you ask? Apparently, they do so much of it that the yeyo’s.. Read More