The results are in.
And we’re sorry to inform you your laugh is… fake.
And you’re not fooling anyone. Well… less than half the folk, anyway.
A study collecting 18 f’real and 18 faux recorded chortles was recently done. Subjects listened to audio clips of each – trying to discern which giggles were legit. 63% of time, people could tell. And while that sounds about as intuitive as flipping a coin, it was statistically significant enough to deduce… we all know your tittering’s about as real as your tits. #mycoversblown
What gives away those attempts to impress a date (whose hotness level just cancels out his cheesy zingers) is sound, speed, and breath. Like anything else we do, if it’s forced versus fluid – it just seems unnatural. They even repeated the study, with the snicker recordings sped up and slowed down. When it was chipmunked, people felt the fast laugh was genuine. For the slowed down demon-sounds, they claimed they couldn’t even tell if it was from a human or animal (what non-hyena animals laugh? Who’d they pick for this study? College undergrads on salvia?)
As for me, I’ve two real laughs I know of: The Seth Rogen and the Wicked Witch.
The Rogen’s reserved for toilet humor and sounds like a low engine turning over in vain. (Put more simply, the Rogen sounds like Rogen and appears in response to Rogen-esque humor). The witch is a high pitched cackle I’m told sounds like Rob Zombie’s wife (couldn’t I just look like her instead?) and it shows up for snarky and smart comedy like Russell Brand’s.
Also, there’s the “handicapped in mustard gas” (a special one educed by the likes of Louis C.K. – characterized by a spastic reaction wherein my face contorts and changes shade. There’s also some gasping and tears.)
As for fake laugh Ashley? Yes, that exists. I usually won’t bullshit laugh for friends (as a favor). But I will for flattery’s sake if I want something (like a job or a hot human to like me #sexybyassociation).
And if I like you but not your joke? Well…
You’ll be able to tell.
Finally there’s the “situational in stitches”.
For this, your joke’s so bad it deserves its own reality show. So I’m genuinely laughing – but it’s more of an inside joke with myself. (“I’ve lost count how many times dad’s screwed up the setup and punchline for these jokes he’s reading from an index card.”)
This one’s equally sweet and cruel. It’s sweet because they think they’ve done a good job with the joke. And it’s cruel because they’ll probably use that as motivation to go embarrass themselves by telling it to someone else…
…who’s reaction likely will be a bit different.
