Is dumbness diagnosable now?

Feel a little off – mentally and bodily? Like some remedial level awkward octopus fumbling around through life? Well, maybe you’re just stupid. No, really. I mean you may be a genuine victim of viral stupidity, says science. Not even the meme on the internet kind, either. But an IRL in your body infectious agent. Because in a study recently done at Johns Hopkins, they stumbled over some very interesting.. Read More

#poopingselfie: Not even once.

Shh, shh. It’s okay, internet. Don’t feel badly. This is what I’m here for. To remind you about proper cell phone etiquette – from public life to pinching a loaf. So, let’s review the latter today: Things that are acceptable to do with your phone on the toilet: – Check email with your horned rimmed glasses on. – Post a status to facebook about those super-cerebral ideas you get mid.. Read More

Can’t get you outta my head

Prepare to be excited. ‘cause this is a real-time events-unfolding article right here. I’m about to read what the “top three” catchiest songs are in a piece that promises not to disappoint me. But before I do, I feel like some rumination on the matter is needed. And I think what we have to start with first is acknowledging what makes a song “catchy”. That term – “catchy” – can.. Read More

Inked and pincushioned kids

By sophomore year of high school, everyone was getting exotic piercings and tattoos. The former option excited me – until my friend Kim got an infection in her tongue ring barbell and my other friend’s belly button ring got infected. I had a conundrum. Could I get illegally stapled by some Sons of Anarchy looking dude across town in a musty shop where the smell of last night’s after party.. Read More

Fat Test Dummies Aren’t the Answer. However hilarious they are.

Remember when everyone demanded fat mannequins? Well – now they’re doing the same thing with functional mannequins. As in, the ones you put into a car before rocket launching that car into a brick wall. (I think they’re also known as “crash test dummies”. ) The thing about this story is that it’s so distracting in its amusement that I can’t effectively assess my feelings. So lets start by just.. Read More

Sardonic meta-squatting

Ah, a squatter squatting on a squatter. Should be good! I admit, with his comedic antics and Casey Casem lite voice, the initial impact of the spectacle got a few laughs out of me before it just faceplanted in a syrupy pool of its own sarcasm. And, naturally, whoever’s home it is should get it back. But, I feel like something’s missing from this story. Something behind the bathrobe and.. Read More

Digging deeper: the non biological clock.

I never wanted kids. I wasn’t that five year old with the doll baby, wanting to nurture and care for a bald rubber creature. In fact, when I got them, I always wanted to go refund them for the slutty barbies. While I’ve written about this before, I feel like the self-questioning about “do I really never want a family?” arises around the holidays. Because that’s when you see families.. Read More