4 strange addictions (and how to dismount your own fixation ferris wheel)

The thing I love best about “My Strange Addiction” is how normal it makes me feel. Until I realize that, in a way, these people are kinda… just like me. Sure, I prefer to go after the usual suspects (used to be drinking or benzo’s, but now it’s caffeine, figs, and probably too much internet), but aren’t we all the same? Yes? Right? I mean… some of these interviews with.. Read More

Winged GMO’s – coming to bite you soon! :D

You wanna know the nice thing about GMO food? If I don’t want to put it in my body, I don’t have to. I’ve mentioned before how “GMO” is a loaded term. Almost everything we eat is the product of being “genetically modified” based on the fact that we change the natural conditions to get a delicious progeny product we want. However, when it’s happening in a lab with a.. Read More

Create a stuporhero with me.

I love my more creative Facebook poster friends. They do exist. I mean, you hafta mine ‘em out and sift through posted pathos, en masse infant photos, and the miscellany of nuptial notifications. But, like hidden twinkling diamonds, they are indeed there. And I so appreciate them – especially on days where my think juice is too viscous to circulate through my imagination motor, much less do any writing. Like.. Read More

Lady in waiting room, speculumating.

Mmmkay, ladies. This one’s for you. Ever just sat in the office of the doc that spelunks your lady cave (while they took forever to see you) and look around? Thumb through their reading material? Annoy fellow patients? Ever analyze the décor? And ever notice how effing sneaky their setups are? If you’re like me, and they take approximately pi billion years before they actually see you (even though you.. Read More

KFC’s edible death dog makes me wanna start a Heart Attack fast food chain.

I really admire Heart Attack Grill’s business plan. But that’s only because I recently learned about the owner’s backstory. See, the dude who started it (Jon Basso) is a scorned ex-gym founder who got told off by a fast food restaurant (you might know of them – “In-N-Out”) for naming his fitness locale, ironically, something too similar to their own. Angry and upset that an anti-health joint should win over.. Read More

5 celebs I diagnosed using the Putin-Asperger’s method.

Unless you live under a rock, you may’ve heard about Putin having burgers in his ass. Yep. He’s got autism, according to some sector of the Pentagon that gets paid to diagnose shit via T.V. Kinda like how I deduced I had Ebola just now. Via WebMD. ‘cause I coughed. Last week. (Insert obvi “Een Soviet Russia, Asperger’s has YOU” meme someone’s already done) Asperger’s is this form of autism.. Read More

Siri’s uselessness forces me into self awareness, yet again.

I shouldn’t eat that before my run… “SIRI: WHY ARE THESE DATES SO DELICIOUS?” I shouldn’t be now physically eating this before my run… “SIRI: WHY CAN’T I STOP EATING THESE DATES?” I shouldn’t be eating this before my run OR asking an effing computer to explain my lack of self-control to me. Such was how yesterday ensued for me. I rarely buy dates or figs anymore because they’re the.. Read More

McMystery sauce now on sale for mere price of a private island.

Ah, the sweet and glowing golden arches. Sure, mayhaps that “M” stands for “McDonald’s”. But maybe it also stands for that “mystery mustard” of theirs. Or just… “money”. ’cause, now, if you have a lot of that last thing, you can get that middle thing from that first thing. And I do mean a lot. Specifically… $18,000. That’s right. The burger behemoth has finally acquiesced to the masses’ demands and.. Read More

Starbucks’s imminently selling coconut milk; my body is ready.

“You know what would make this green tea soy latte better?” “What?” “Nothing. Nothing at all.” This is an actual conversation I’ve had before, while orally worshipping the frothy forest colored beverage before me. The world morphs into a Monet of the senses during those first few sips. Speaking to me’s useless as I seek to satisfy the fiend within. However, it didn’t take long for me to move onto.. Read More

How harnessing my chi helped my girl-gooch reach the ground

You know what I hate about motivational advice? Well, my brain, to be specif. It’s a tragedy, really – how my brain will take some good, clear, totally applicable advice and be mind-masturbated into total numbness by it (just ‘cause it’s a “cliché) instead of letting the message sink in, resonate, and do its magic on me. To be fair, not all motivational advice is effective – or at the.. Read More