Maybe I should join the military. That way my dog can love me as much as all these other dogs gone viral do when their humans return from deployment. I mean these mother fluffers get next-level amped at the sight of their soldier guardians, and mine just lays there like I’m some banal phantom when I meander back through my front door. She might put forth just enough effort to.. Read More
Wait… cashews are poisonous?
Wait, wait, WAIT a second. Because I just found out… cashews don’t grow in shells?! Yes, that’s right. But that’s not all. Not only do they fail to enter this world as delectably crunchy oyster pearls like the rest of their cohort group, but you might get dead (or just super sick) if you try to nom ‘em in their natch state. You see, they’re born in these tumorous necrotic-finger.. Read More
6 reasons I ain’t mad at the interwebz today
Some days I’m sorry I got on social media at all. It’s not like I have a choice, really. I mean, that’s part of what I do – get online, observe the fcckery unfolding around me (while equipped with my metaphorical theater snacks) and then try to weave the digital dinosaur diarrhea pouring from all corners of the interwebz into a glittering, golden, ensemble. But today, from everyone’s favorite filtered.. Read More