It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a good glass of fermented grape. Mostly because I have the whole Pringles problem when it comes to firewater. Although that sort of thing isn’t for me anymore, I can’t help but be reminded of it – coming from a family of wine lovers. Especially now, as the weather gets chillier, I think, “Ah, I bet they’re all switching from chardonnay to.. Read More
Anyone ever heard of the “marshmallow test”? No, it’s not like the ice bucket challenge or the fire challenge (god help us, yes that’s a thing). Rather, it’s a decades-old study that tests the internal fortitude of your offspring by looking at their willpower to withhold indulging in a treat – as they hold out for getting a potential second treat – a reward for their patience. For instance, like,.. Read More
“If you gaze into the abyss…” … the abyss suddenly looks like a really, really fun place to freefall into. “You go first and tell me what it’s like…” I’d ask if I’m the only person who gets the urge to jump from vertigo inducing heights or run towards a tornado, but I know I’m not. That’s just a rhetorical question I sometimes employ to hear , “No, Ashley. You’re.. Read More
Thank god. Robotic furniture is finally here. Well, almost. Ever since I was a geeky little kid with a ten year plan of becoming a pretty princess who stole money from the people and stowed it away in an offshore account to later access when they stormed down my castle and I had to abscond to the islands to live out the rest of my life in secrecy, I wanted.. Read More
Once upon a time when I used to date human people, I remember being “butt dialed”. I was remaining faithful to what we in the field like to call a “non-monogamous-unbeknownst-to-the-bish-he-was-dating” dude at the time. To his credit, he was an excellent liar. But he was, unfortunately for him, very stupid when it came to putting in all the peripheral work it requires to protect a good lie. So, when.. Read More
So, this bish was born without a cerebellum (a crucial part of your brain). And she’s just finding out. After 24 years. Not only was talking an issue (she didn’t speak until age six), but she also couldn’t walk until age seven. After that, homegirl must have had some magic ruby slippers for the rest of her life in order to get through it in any ambulatory sorta way ’cause.. Read More
Afraid of catching cancer in these last dog day rays of summer? Don’t be! ‘cause there’s plenty of other ways the sun can kill you! Like the solar flare headed for earth! (Jesus. Sometimes I forget just how small we are.) Actually, we don’t have to worry about leaping tongues of fire raining on us like lightning streaks from Olympus just yet (hopefully). The recent X class magnetic explosion that.. Read More
While perusing news brought to us by NeverEatOrSleepAgain today, I came across: …a woman who found exotic poison stowaway spider eggs in her groceries? Ugh. If I had to read this nightmare fuel today, I’m grateful that: A – It was early enough to inundate my consciousness with unicorns and rainbows before bedtime and B – That I already ate my effing morning banana breakfast. ‘cause apparently whoever is tasked.. Read More
Never forget. Always remember. I had to start wearing my headphones in physical therapy recently, because they play non-stop “news” in there. Just hearing it is stressful. I can’t do anything to stop murders and kidnappings. I’m powerless over the painful stories but it still makes me anxious. And I’m not just talking 9/11, obviously. So I tune it and everyone around me out. Whatever it is you believe about.. Read More
JIBO – the robot who wants to be the Alice to your Brady Bunch – isn’t out yet. But they’re sure trying they’re hardest to get you excited about it. I say “Alice” – not the Jetsons’ “Rosie” because they’re really trying to make him sound less like a machine meant to do your bidding, and more like a dude who might host a Nickelodeon show so that it can.. Read More