Thank god.

Robotic furniture is finally here. Well, almost.

Ever since I was a geeky little kid with a ten year plan of becoming a pretty princess who stole money from the people and stowed it away in an offshore account to later access when they stormed down my castle and I had to abscond to the islands to live out the rest of my life in secrecy, I wanted this in my life:

Yep. Looks of Belle. Power like Beast. And of course…

…moving furniture slaves over which I could tyrannically rule.

(Except the puppy foot stool which would get special privileges, obviously).

But as we fast forward a couple decades and retreat back here to cruel reality, science still has yet to come up with my advice giving wardrobe that encourages me into giving that psychopathic dungeon master with claws a chance (like I’ve ever needed any help with that anyway). But they have made something that may fulfill my furniture fuhrer fantasies in the future. #saythatfivetimesfast

I came across a story on these bench-bot things yesterday – this technology that transforms itself into a miscellany of functional furniture at your direction, depending on what it is you’d like to do without having to get off your ass and move to another part of the room. Whether it’s jumping up to a mid-height coffee table, lowering to a bench, or dropping down to become (my favorite) a footstool, whatever – these mofos are ready to roll at will.

Literally.

Because they come with wheels.

And by “wheels”, I mean a bunch of those little boxes from Hellraiser:

Cool, but I feel like it’d totally fckk with the feng shui in all my rooms except maybe the one in my space ship. I suppose form will be something they work on in the coming years though, because according to the dudes who invented (and are currently working on perfecting) it, their inspo was to make furniture that would be user friendly for the elderly (whose joints have fused together from years of probably too little activity and too much letting other similar machines do every day tasks for them). But much like all the other fun stuff old people have (wheelchairs, handicapped placards, pills), us younger to middle aged folk always end up stealing and enjoying these conveniences that make us lazy until our bones fuse together too and can’t survive without the machines even if we wanted to. #thatswhattherobotswant

Sadly, the geriatric joke’s on me, though.

Because by the time this stuff actually hits the market (a predicted 15 to 20 years)…

…I’ll legit need it.