Marriage: still waiting for my grip to come in

I had mild panic attack an hour ago. But this time, as I slowly entered flaccid paralysis, I opted to do a little bit of self-awareness assessment (might’s well, I thought, seeing as there wasn’t much else I was capable of managing). So… what was the source of this sadistic corporeal sorcery? Was it because A.) my detour to Facebook today featured my best friend(who was one’a the last to.. Read More

Shout out to the real azz wifies ‘n moms

I’ve always been curious about that whole marriage ritual. Ya know? Like the jewelry, for instance. Why the left hand? Why the hand at all? Somehow, I just feel like it would be more appropriate if, instead of the finger, the ring went on the toe. And, actually, instead of a band at all – it were a tag: Ah. Yes. Far more accurate. It’s interesting how easily I get.. Read More

For better or gross: Thoughts on Dadbods ‘n Mombods

So, I was tagged in this post today about the rise of the “Dadbod”- asking for my opinion. So, I suppose I’ll sound off. The feather-ruffling essentially surrounds the whole double standard of how moms are expected to maintain an acceptable level of body karate, while “Dadbod” gets championed (beer belly, low maintenance, poorly manicured facial hair, and other miscellaneous things to add to the nitpick list). Ya know, like.. Read More

Why do old people bother getting married?

So this 75 year old dude re-proprosed to his 75 year old ex wife. At WallyWorld. It may not sound super romantic – being in WalMart and all – but that’s where she worked. So, in a way, I guess it kinda was, because he wanted all her friends to see and make a fuss over her and stuff afterward. Thing is, they’d been divorced for about 43 years when.. Read More

Who says ridiculous talk shows aren’t insightful?

I realized three things when I mistakenly turned from the news to Dr. Phil today: 1.) Why am I watching this? (less a realization; more a serious moral self-inquiry, really.) 2.) He’s kinda just Jerry Springer with more credentials and less hair. 3.) I now get the real reason I’m not married or planning to be anytime soon. You see, the show was on cheaters, mistresses, and the like. IKR?.. Read More

Lauren Morelli’s sapphic epiphany and why marriage is dumb.

So, Orange Is The New Black creator, Lauren Morelli, dumped her hubby. After a sudden Sapphic epiphany. And now she’s dating an actress on the show. (To be fair, even straight girls wanna date Poussey. It’s like when Katherine Moennig played “Shane” on Showtime. It’s not the sex – it’ s the X-factor.) Ya know, this is the stupid thing about labels. When I was queef deep in marathon sessions.. Read More