This is just a quick memo for all you high school members of the male species. Especially the ones hitting on me as I escape society for an afternoon woodsy run. Hello, children. My name is MissAshleyPants. And I’m here to shed some light on the very important topic of “cougars”. Ya see, I get that it’s nice to have a notch in your belt carved deeply by the sharp.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: some’a this week’s adventures…
“Oh good, you’re just in time,” the crazed thirty year old in a turban said as she answered the door for her mother. To my credit, I’d had a long day and it wasn’t a turban – but a giant towel ‘do completing my freshly washed coif look on evenings such as these. And on this particular evening, I’d almost forgotten to complete my #30daysofnewthings task. So, naturally, I was.. Read More
Glowlar eclipse tonight. Rain or shine, bishes.
Duh. For someone who enjoys sky-watching, I’m not very attuned to where I need to be for stuff. Granted, I’d been told the aurora might visit NOVA a few days ago – so I was justified in hanging out in the freezing windblown chill, waiting for a rain of illumination above (no cigar). But had I studied up a little more on the who, what, and when (I may’ve missed.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: breathe and strike a pose
If I regret anything about tattoos, it’s that I didn’t get another one. Don’t worry – I’m only half serious. But had I gotten another, it’d have definitely been a watch on my wrist that says “JUST BREATHE, BITCH.” As a chronic spastic, I have so much trouble remembering the first rule of life club: breathe. Suck in air. Push it out. It’s so simple, yet I find myself suffering.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: Why I got this tattoo
I was just finishing up my morning writing Friday when I realized… “It’s Friday the 13th. And I’ve never celebrated it.” Immediately the novelty center that is the eye of the storm of this cerebral insanity in which I reside, began to speak to me – demanding we accomplish something new today – however small. A haunted tour? An abandoned house with a dark and homicidal backstory? There is a.. Read More
A funny thing happened on the way to the temple…
I was excited – but I had all the usual fears going on tonight. What if they don’t like me? What if I make an idiot of myself? What if they think I’m the Marla Singer of spirituality – a big tourist in a little Buddhist temple? As day seven of my #30daysofnewthings quest, I had planned to head out past Occoquan to a little Buddhist temple called “Ekoji”. I.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: inadvertent novelty ‘n signs
“Ashley,” I replied to the gentleman beside me, asking my name. I think he thought I was lying. We had both come to the same park and were having a chat through the windows of our cars. Although he’d invited me out to go feed some birds two feet away at the water, I was about to go on a run. So I told him I might swing by when.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: exotic fruits, pants, and poses
As I’ve been bringing yoga into my #30daysofnewthings challenge, there’s something I’ve been avoiding: Anything where I’m relying on the upper body strength I don’t have to keep me from a supercharged faceplant fueled by the added weight of my graceless legs and man-like torso. “Day Four – I’ve never been permanently paralyzed before!” #newthings (Dear glob, please don’t let that be the price for my wanderlust and sense of.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings: New trail and metayoga
“How far’d you go? A couple miles?” The fisherman I’d just waved to asked me this from a distance as I was finishing up my run. He and his buddy had been standing at the side of the dock since before I parked my car, stretched, and set out on a new trail. It was set to be day three of my #30daysofnewthings challenge. A new trail may sound kinda.. Read More
#30daysofnewthings challenge: climb a tree
“Really? Is this the most creative thing you can come up with? Try a new fruit?” I mean, it’s on the list – but more of a last resort kinda thing. And I was only two days into my 30-days-of-new-things experimental challenge yesterday at 5:00 P.M. I’d gotten a late start on my afternoon jog, and despite the fact that it was warm (for this time of year) and sunny.. Read More